🚀 North Carolina’s Pension Funds: Bitcoin Bonanza? 🤑

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In the grand tapestry of legislative whimsy, North Carolina has decided to dance with the digital devils. Lawmakers, in their infinite wisdom, have conjured up not one, but two magical bills designed to sprinkle a bit of Bitcoin fairy dust on the state’s coffers. 🧙‍♂️✨

The Bills That Would Be Kings: A Crypto Coup d’État

Behold, the State Investment Modernization Act, parading as House Bill 506 and Senate Bill 709. These twin titans aim to birth the North Carolina Investment Authority (NCIA), a new overlord with the power to sprinkle 5% of the state’s gold into the digital asset abyss. 🌊💰

The NCIA, a maverick in the world of finance, will operate with the autonomy of a pirate ship, free from the shackles of the Treasury. It will be helmed by the state treasurer, who will cherry-pick four more buccaneers based on their knack for treasure hunting. 🏴‍☠️🚢

The legislation defines digital assets with the broad strokes of a Jackson Pollock painting, encompassing everything from cryptocurrencies to NFTs. Unlike their more cautious counterparts, these bills are throwing the doors open to a digital asset free-for-all. 🎨🚪

The Bold and the Bitcoinful: A Reserve Bill Rises

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But wait, there’s more! Senate Bill 327, the Bitcoin Reserve and Investment Act, is the brash cousin that proposes to dump 10% of public funds into the Bitcoin black hole. 🕳️💸

This bill suggests Bitcoin be locked away in a multi-signature cold storage wallet, only to be unleashed during a financial apocalypse, and even then, it requires a two-thirds vote from the North Carolina General Assembly. Because, democracy. 🗳️🔒

Senate Bill 327 is picky, though; it only deems digital assets worthy if they’re worth over $750 billion. Spoiler alert: Bitcoin’s the only one at the party. 🎉🔝

Clashing Cryptocurrency Conspiracies: The Momentum Marches On

While the 5% proposal is a crypto cornucopia, the 10% bill is a Bitcoin-only bash. House Speaker Destin Hall is all aboard the Bitcoin bandwagon, eager to align with President Trump’s “vision” for a national Bitcoin treasure trove. 🎟️🚂

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President Trump, the crypto czar, has already signed an executive order for a federal Strategic Bitcoin Reserve. His crypto cheerleading is spurring states like North Carolina to dive into the digital deep end. 🏊‍♂️🌊

The Public Weighs In: Support, Skepticism, and Snickers

Legislative excitement is in the air, but the State Employees Association of North Carolina (SEANC) is raining on the crypto parade. They’re not too keen on adding such volatile assets to pension portfolios. 🌧️👴

“Retirees don’t want their golden years tarnished by Bitcoin blues,” says a SEANC spokesman. They’re worried about the promised benefits going up in digital smoke. 🚬💨

Crypto enthusiasts, however, argue that a bit of Bitcoin could spice up the state’s investment strategy. They see it as an opportunity for North Carolina to stay ahead of the digital curve. 🚀📈

The Timeline: Bills, Bills, Bills

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If these bills become law, the NCIA will be up and running by July 1, 2025, with full crypto chaos commencing January 1, 2026. The bills are currently in committee, their fate hanging in the balance of bipartisan bickering and national crypto confusion. 🤔🗳️

As it stands, 41 Bitcoin reserve bills are floating around 23 states, with North Carolina now in the crypto spotlight. Will digital assets become the new normal, or will they remain a risky experiment? Only time will tell. ⏳🔮

Disclaimer: This article is for entertainment purposes only. Don’t take investment advice from a satirical rewrite of a news article. That would be bananas. 🍌

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2025-03-27 15:28