How Michael Saylor Plans to Create a Bitcoin Empire Bigger Than Your Wildest Dreams

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Ah, Michael Saylor. The man with a plan so grand, it’s practically bursting out of his pockets. Through his company, Strategy (because who needs subtlety when you’re aiming for world domination?), Saylor has unveiled his ambitious plan to raise a mind-boggling $84 billion to top up the firm’s already impressive Bitcoin reserves. That’s right, $84 billion. In case you missed that, let’s just say it’s more than a few humble coins in his digital vault. 😏

Ramping Up Capital for Bitcoin Purchases

The plan here is simple — divide and conquer. $42 billion will be sourced from equity (fancy word for ‘selling bits of the company’) and another $42 billion from fixed income instruments (that’s basically ‘fancy borrowings’ for the less financially inclined). So what’s all this cash going toward, you ask? Oh, just more Bitcoin. Naturally. This fresh wave of capital is the latest move in Strategy’s ongoing treasure hunt for Bitcoin, which has been going so well that it’s practically a scavenger hunt with all the ‘X’ marks on the map. In fact, just in the first quarter, the company pulled off a $21 billion equity offering — *yes, you read that right* — one of the largest in recent corporate history, and walked away with over 301,000 BTC. At this point, they’re just throwing money at Bitcoin and hoping it grows. 🤑

To add to that, they also managed to rake in $6.6 billion through the sale of their Class A common stock (yes, more stock selling), with even more to come as part of their grand $42 billion equity extravaganza. The real kicker? All this cash is helping to boost Strategy’s stock price by 50%, because who doesn’t want to invest in a company that’s pretty much Bitcoin’s unofficial mascot? 🦸‍♂️

Record-Breaking Holdings and Market Impact

So where does this leave us? Well, right now, Strategy is sitting pretty with a cool 553,555 BTC, worth a whopping $37.9 billion. And for those of you counting (we know you are), that’s an average of $68,459 per Bitcoin. And if you think they’re slowing down, think again! Just last week, they picked up an additional 15,355 BTC for $1.42 billion. Oh, and the price? Well, let’s just say they’re *really* going for the high end, buying Bitcoin at a whopping $92,737 each. What’s the price of a single Bitcoin nowadays? Well, last I checked, it was *pretty* close to that. Go figure. 😎

Strategy has officially become the largest corporate holder of Bitcoin in the world, owning more than 2% of all the Bitcoin that’s floating around out there. The only competitor? BlackRock, which is just shy with 570,000 BTC in its clutches. But hey, at this rate, Saylor might just pass them by next week. 😏

Raising Performance Targets

As if that weren’t enough, Strategy isn’t just hoarding Bitcoin — they’re adjusting their performance targets like a villain in a Bond movie recalibrating his evil lair. The company recently reported a 13.7% yield on BTC so far this year, raking in a casual $5.8 billion. But don’t worry, they’re not stopping there. They’ve upped their 2025 targets to a 25% BTC yield, which, conveniently, translates to a $15 billion profit. Because why aim low when you can shoot for the moon? 🚀

Chief Financial Officer Andrew Kang made it clear that the company’s adoption of fair value accounting (because accounting isn’t just about numbers, it’s about making them look really good) resulted in a $12.7 billion boost to their retained earnings. Of course, Q1 ended with a tiny *unrealized loss* because Bitcoin dipped down to $82,445 — but don’t worry, it quickly bounced back to $97,300. So, on paper, that’s about an $8 billion gain. No biggie. 😅

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2025-05-02 16:07