Snow White’s Massive Fail Was Avoidable

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When Pro reached out to me about appearing on “The Pro Show” this week (a fact you’re already aware I enthusiastically consented to), my casual query “So what’s new?” was essentially a friendly way of asking “Hey, we all know the shareholder meeting was a mess, we all know Snow White is no more, and the Mouse seems to be heading south too. Is there any fresh, outlandish nonsense brewing from their camp?

Before we proceed, I wondered if perhaps, you might still be intrigued by venturing on a brief exploration into the realm of “What if?”. This excursion would involve contemplating alternate possibilities (not another critique of the film as I detest reviews that offer suggestions for improvements based on their own vision instead of analyzing what’s presented on screen).

So, ready? C’mon everybody…let’s Gooooooo!

If you were to remake the iconic animated film that established your company’s reputation, a project that could be seen as a live-action reboot, what if you chose to honor its legacy by creating a faithful adaptation, perhaps even frame-by-frame? What if this remake was done with reverence for the past successes that have paved the way for everything since? In contrast to the current social and political climate where you encourage change, what if you decided, “Let’s step back this time, team. Instead of adding our modern touch, let’s take on any criticism about it being outdated or omitting certain elements like the kiss that saves the heroine or any references to the supporting characters—let’s simply pay tribute to the original film in its purest form.

If you were to add a few fresh tunes, it could potentially receive an average response from both critics and audiences, avoiding the catastrophic failure that this project has currently become.

One could only wish that it wouldn’t be remembered as the most unbearable stench in history, hopefully for all eternity. Perhaps it would have been released a year ago and wouldn’t have been so costly or generated as much attention.

What if?

If the young actress you hired started making a fuss about anachronisms in the media, instead of reacting strongly, you might have casually responded with a shrug, saying something like, “Ah, well, these actresses nowadays… You never know, do you?” In a more casual tone, you could also say, “What can you do? Some folks just can’t keep their cool.” To downplay the situation, you could have privately addressed her concerns, telling her to hold back and stay focused on the film until it was released. You might have said something like, “Look, just chill for now, let the movie speak for itself, and we’ll see how it does.

Instead of saying “I mean, wouldn’t that have worked?” you could rephrase it as “Don’t you think it would be more appropriate to shift the blame away from the company during such a sensitive time when it is already facing criticism for its ‘wokeness’ initiatives?” This version maintains the original meaning and is easier to read.

It seems reasonable to suggest that handling a place as large as Mouseville should have been done with maturity and wisdom, don’t you agree?

What If?

Lastly, I’m curious, now that it has been released with its issues of mismanagement and poor production, costing an exorbitant amount initially and potentially losing even more, damaging your reputation further, and raising valid questions about your management skills, there remains a significant question to consider: What if things had gone differently?

Suppose a family, engrossed in their daily routine of working, studying, and growing, decides to take a break and visit Disneyland. They don’t follow media coverage extensively, so they’re oblivious to the numerous debates surrounding the company. These discussions range from malfunctions like broken animatronics, sewage leaks, or lights that flicker unexpectedly, to less visible issues such as employee mistreatment and a decline in The Walt Disney/Iger Company’s broader performance. They simply seek an enjoyable family outing without being aware of these complexities.

Instead of directly stating that they’ve only watched Snow White from the movie, you could say: They haven’t watched any other adaptation of Snow White, so this theme park ride, called Snow White’s Scary Adventures, is their first experience with the classic tale. And now, the kids, mom, and dad are about to embark on this journey in a small vehicle.

Will people possibly be puzzled as to who that prince is, find themselves missing the empowering female leader, or generally feel let down because the iconic character of Snow White seems absent when they see her merely dancing with those small figures instead?

Or might they exclaim with surprise upon waking, “Where have I been missing out on THIS all this time?” Indeed, it’s delightful! It’s wonderful! It’s about family! It’s enjoyable!

As a movie enthusiast, I find myself pondering: Would you eagerly choose to embark on this cinematic rollercoaster… once more? Or perhaps, be enticed to return for another round? While munching popcorn, whether in regular or luxury containers, residing at the film’s themed accommodations, or even collecting keepsakes from this very Snowy adventure.

As a cinephile, imagine pondering this: Couldn’t it be that the purpose behind crafting a film around an ancient German tale was lost on Igerdom? What if they failed to grasp the essence of the story?

What if. What if. What if.

Couldn’t dreams be described as something like a deep-seated desire or aspiration your heart holds… if your heart truly grasps the essence of love? Instead, let’s ponder this idea: What if…?

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2025-03-29 19:55