🤯 Japanese Company Goes Bananas: Hoards Bitcoin Like There’s No Tomorrow! 💰

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Ah, dear readers, what a peculiarly amusing tale I have for you today! 🎭 In a manner most reminiscent of those wealthy merchants of Petersburg who stuff their mattresses with rubles, our Japanese friends at Metaplanet (what a curiously cosmic name, is it not?) have been cramming their corporate coffers with digital gold as if possessed by the spirit of a deranged mathematician! 😂

Would you believe, my most esteemed audience, that these peculiar gentlemen have acquired – and I must pause here to adjust my spectacles – another 319 of these invisible coins? Yes, these mysterious bitcoins that neither jingle in one’s pocket nor can be used to bribe a minor official! They paid 11.8 million yen per coin, a sum that would make even Chichikov’s dead souls scheme seem modest! 🎪

Metaplanet has acquired 319 BTC for ~$26.3 million at ~$82,549 per bitcoin and has achieved BTC Yield of 108.3% YTD 2025. As of 4/14/2025, we hold 4525 $BTC acquired for ~$386.3 million at ~$85,366 per bitcoin.

— Simon Gerovich (@gerovich) April 14, 2025

Oh, but wait! There’s more to this magnificent absurdity! 🎭 These clever fellows have invented something called “BTC Yield” – as if counting imaginary money wasn’t enough, now they must measure its invisible growth! It’s rather like measuring the happiness of a goose by the size of its shadow! 🦢

And how, you might ask, are they funding this grand circus? 🎪 Through some mystical arrangement with an entity called EVO FUND – a name that sounds like something conjured up by a bureaucrat after too much vodka! They issue “zero-coupon bonds” – imagine that! Papers promising future papers! Even Nozdrev wouldn’t dare attempt such a scheme! 😅

But perhaps the most delightful part of this whole affair is that they’re following in the footsteps of something called “MicroStrategy” – which, despite its name, seems to have nothing micro about its appetite for these digital coins! 🤪

As I sit here in my modest quarters, scratching away with my quill, I cannot help but wonder what our good old Pavel Ivanovich would make of all this. Perhaps he would try to register dead souls on the blockchain! 💀✨

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2025-04-14 08:22