🌪️ Trump’s Tariff Tornado Whips Crypto into a Frenzy! 🌪️

Behold, the Circus of Finance! 🎪

By Omkar Godbole, our intrepid chronicler of monetary madness (All times ET, unless the clocks decide to strike thirteen).

Ah, the crypto bulls! Once roaring like lions, now whimpering like kittens in a storm. The CoinDesk 20 Index, that proud beast, has tumbled 5%, while its leaders, once majestic, now cower at a 2% loss. 😿

Major altcoins-XRP, BNB, SOL-have fared even worse, their tails between their legs. And poor ASTR, the native token of Aster DEX, has fallen 4% amidst abnormal price movements. Yet, a few brave souls-MNT, CRO, KAS, OKB, XMR-cling to gains of 1%. Heroes, or merely fools? 🤡

The dollar, that wily fox, has grown stronger, bolstered by Thursday’s GDP and jobless claims data. Market flow dynamics, once a gentle stream, now rage like a torrent. “ETFs, once the absorbers of supply, have turned into net sellers!” cry the analysts at BRN. Bitcoin ETFs bled $258 million, Ethereum ETFs $251 million-four days of red for ETH funds. 🩸

Whales, those leviathans of the crypto sea, have also turned bearish, offloading 147,000 BTC since Aug. 21. The most since the bull cycle began in early 2023, say the oracles at CryptoQuant. 🦈

And what of Trump, that master of chaos? His tariffs, announced with a flourish, have sent markets into a tailspin. “Rising inflation” or “slowing growth”? The pendulum swings wildly. Trump’s tariffs-100% on trucks, furniture, pharmaceuticals-effective Oct. 1. Madness, or method? 🤔

The Fed’s inflation gauge, the core PCE, looms like a specter. A softer-than-expected print could temper the dollar’s rally, offering a lifeline to bitcoin and its brethren. But will it? Only the shadows know. 🕵️♂️

Traders, beware! Regulatory vultures circle the skies. A WSJ report warns of unusual trading volumes in over 200 companies linked to crypto treasury strategies. Sell-offs may accelerate. And Russia’s aerial incursions in Europe? WTI crude oil is already up 4% for the week. Stay alert, or be devoured! 🦅

What to Watch (Before the World Ends)

Crypto
- Nothing scheduled. The void stares back. 🕳️
Macro
- Sept. 26, 8:30 a.m.: Canada July GDP MoM Est. 0.1%. A snail’s pace. 🐌
- Sept. 26, 8:30 a.m.: U.S. August headline PCE Price Index YoY Est. 2.7%, MoM Est. 0.3%; core YoY Est. 2.9%, core MoM Est. 0.2%.
- Sept. 26, 10 a.m.: (Final) September Michigan Consumer Sentiment Est. 55.4. Hope springs eternal. 🌱
- Sept. 26, 1 p.m.: Fed Vice Chair for Supervision Michelle Bowman speaks on “Approach to Monetary Policy Decision-Making.” Will she reveal the secrets of the universe? 🌌
Earnings (Estimates based on FactSet data)
- Nothing scheduled. Silence is golden. 🏆

Token Talk (Or, The Rise of Plasma)

By Francisco Rodrigues, our resident alchemist of blockchain.

Plasma, a new blockchain for stablecoins, has launched its mainnet beta and native token XPL. Fully diluted valuation? Over $12 billion. Backed by Bitfinex, Bybit, Tether CEO Paolo Ardoino, and tech billionaire Peter Thiel. The elite gather. 🧙♂️
Over $2 billion worth of XPL tokens in circulation. Built for high-speed, low-fee stablecoin operations. Plasma aims to be the backbone of a new DeFi era. Liquidity deployed across Aave, Ethereum, Euler, Fluid. Plasma One, a “stablecoin-native neobank,” awaits. 🏦
Some tokens sold to U.S. investors are locked until mid-2026. Regulatory shackles. The effective float may suffer. 📉

Derivatives Positioning (Or, The Dance of Capital)

Major tokens-BTC, ETH-continue to bleed capital from futures markets. Notional open interest declines. Overleveraged bets are shaken out. The market purges itself. 🧹
Smaller coins like KAS and KCS see a moderate increase in OI. Aster DEX volume surges to $46 billion, dwarfing Hyperliquid’s $17 billion. The little ones grow bold. 🐜
On the CME, BTC futures OI reverses early September gains. Options OI rises, approaching November 2024 highs. ETH futures and options remain elevated on Deribit. SOL yields 15%, ETH a mere 7%. The winds shift. 🌬️
BTC, ETH options risk reversals lean bearish out to December. SOL and XRP, however, remain bullish for year-end. Hope and despair, hand in hand. 🤝

Market Movements (Or, The Dance of Numbers)

BTC: Up 0.4% at $109,669.81 (24hrs: -2.17%). A flicker in the darkness. 💡
ETH: Up 0.74% at $3,916.83 (24hrs: -3.12%). Clinging to hope. 🌿
CoinDesk 20: Up 0.18% at 3,820.89 (24hrs: -3.25%). A minor victory. 🎖️
Ether CESR Composite Staking Rate: Unchanged at 2.9%. Stability in chaos. ⚖️
BTC funding rate: 0.0049% (5.4082% annualized) on Binance. A drop in the ocean. 🌊

DXY: Down 0.19% at 98.37. A slight retreat. 🚶♂️
Gold futures: Up 0.21% at $3,778.90. The eternal haven. 🏰
Silver futures: Up 0.56% at $45.37. Shining brightly. ✨
Nikkei 225: Down 0.87% at 45,354.99. A stumble. 👟
Hang Seng: Down 1.35% at 26,128.20. A fall. 🪂
FTSE: Up 0.37% at 9,247.82. A cautious rise. 🧗♂️
Euro Stoxx 50: Up 0.38% at 5,465.79. Following suit. 🕴️
DJIA: Down 0.38% at 45,947.32. A dip. 🏊♂️
S&P 500: Down 0.5% at 6,604.72. A slide. 🎢
Nasdaq Composite: Down 0.50% at 22,384.70. A descent. 🌋

Bitcoin Stats (Or, The Heart of the Beast)

BTC Dominance: 59.06% (-0.03%). Still the king. 👑
Ether-bitcoin ratio: 0.03573 (0.52%). A whisper. 🗣️
Hashrate (seven-day moving average): 1,083 EH/s. The engines roar. 🚀
Hashprice (spot): $48.79. A bargain? 🛍️
Total Fees: 3.27 BTC / $364,469. The toll of the road. 🛣️
CME Futures Open Interest: 134,940 BTC. The bets are placed. 🎲
BTC priced in gold: 29.2 oz. A heavy burden. ⚖️
BTC vs gold market cap: 8.24%. A challenger. 🏆

Technical Analysis (Or, The Stars Align)

XRP: Plummeting toward $2.65-$2.70. A break below spells doom. The abyss awaits. 🕳️

Crypto Equities (Or, The Stocks of Fortune)

Coinbase Global (COIN): Down 4.69% at $306.69. A fall from grace. 👼
Circle Internet (CRCL): Down 5.26% at $124.66. The circle narrows. 🔄
Galaxy Digital (GLXY): Down 6.34% at $32.12. A galaxy far, far away. 🌌
Bullish (BLSH): Down 8.52% at $61.83. The bull stumbles. 🐂

Crypto Treasury Companies (Or, The Hoarders of Digital Gold)

Strategy (MSTR): Down 6.99% at $300.7. A strategic retreat. 🚩
Semler Scientific (SMLR): Down 4.46% at $30.21. Science falters. 🔬
SharpLink Gaming (SBET): Down 7.22% at $16.31. The bet goes sour. 🎰

ETF Flows (Or, The Rivers of Capital)

Spot BTC ETFs

Daily net flows: -$253.4 million. The river dries. 🏜️
Cumulative net flows: $57.2 billion. The reservoir remains. 🌊
Total BTC holdings: ~1.32 million. The hoard grows. 🏰

Spot ETH ETFs

Daily net flows: -$251.2 million. Another river dries. 🏜️
Cumulative net flows: $13.39 billion. The reservoir holds. 🌊
Total ETH holdings: ~6.57 million. The hoard endures. 🏰

2025-09-26 15:45