💸 Coinbase Stocks Take a Nosedive: It’s Like Watching Your Crypto Wallet on a Tilt-A-Whirl! 🎢

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So, the grand poobah of U.S. crypto exchanges, Coinbase (COIN), decided to play a game of “how low can you go?” this quarter. Spoiler alert: it’s not just limbo; it’s a full-on financial freefall.📉

Volatility: Because Who Doesn’t Love a Good Roller Coaster?

Thanks to Bloomberg’s trusty reporting, we know Coinbase’s stock took a nosedive, plummeting over30% since the quarter kicked off. It’s like the FTX collapse had a baby, and it’s throwing just as big of a tantrum.👶💥

And it’s not alone in its misery. Crypto-linked stocks across the board are doing their best impression of a sinking ship. Galaxy Digital Holdings (GLXY.TO), Riot Platforms (RIOT), and Core Scientific (CORZ) are all riding the struggle bus.🚌

Bitcoin (BTC) and Ethereum (ETH) aren’t exactly the popular kids at the dance anymore, with BTC dropping over20% and ETH doing a swan dive of more than45%. Ouch.💃🕳️

Meanwhile, President Trump is out here starting a “global trade war,” because apparently, we needed more drama. The S&P500 Index (GSPC) is feeling the heat, heading towards its worst quarter since mid-2022. Thanks, Don!🔥

Oppenheimer’s Owen Lau chimed in, saying the crypto community knows it’s not about the fundamentals right now. It’s all about those macroeconomic mood swings. Tariffs and trade wars are the new market mood killers.😒

And let’s not forget the R-word (recession). It’s looming like that weird cousin at family reunions, making everyone extra jumpy. High-risk crypto stocks are playing hot potato, and no one wants to get burned.🥔🔥

Lau says investing in Coinbase is like playing Russian roulette with your wallet. Sure, it’s thrilling, but there’s a real chance of bankruptcy. So, buckle up, folks!🎢💸

Crypto Market: From Hero to Zero

Remember when we were all riding the high of Trump’s election and Bitcoin was mooning at over $109,000? Feels like a century ago. Now, Bitcoin’s chilling at around $83,000, which is still fancy but not peak fancy.🌙➡️📉

While some stocks were living their best lives post-election, Coinbase and friends have since handed back their gains like a kid caught stealing cookies. Except Michael Saylor’s Strategy (MSTR), which is still in the green. Lucky duck.🍪🦆

Even as crypto cozies up to Washington and tries to be BFFs with the traditional finance world, the market’s still playing hard to get. No rebound in sight, folks.🤝❌

Connor Loewen from3iQ is out here looking for a silver lining, saying we need new catalysts. Because, apparently, the previous crypto party was just a warm-up. 🎉🔍

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2025-04-01 03:07