🔮💰 2026: The Year Gold Turns Into Glitter & Bitcoin Wakes Up From Nap!

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Markets

What to know (if you’ve been living under a crypto-rock):

  • Bitcoin’s been snoozing while Gold sprints like a caffeinated cheetah this year, but VanEck’s wizards predict a sparkly 2026 comeback 🚀
  • David Schassler, the wizard of VanEck, foresees Gold galloping to $5,000 next year. Because apparently, $4,492 was just “warming up” 💰🏃♂️
  • Bitcoin? Oh, it’ll copy Gold’s homework eventually. Scarcity, liquidity, and “debasement” (fancy word for “printing money like confetti”) will fix everything! 🎉

Oh, how the digital darling has fallen! Bitcoin, once the belle of the speculative ball, has left investors grumbling like soggy cereal this year. While Gold strutted its stuff and the Nasdaq 100 flexed its tech muscles, Bitcoin hid under the couch cushions. 😴

But fear not! VanEck’s clairvoyants say 2026 is BTC’s redemption arc. “Bitcoin’s lagging the Nasdaq by 50%? Pfft, that’s just the calm before the Lambo rally!” declared David Schassler, who clearly owns a crystal ball and a DeLorean. 🚘💨

“Sure, this year’s been a snooze-fest,” he shrugged. “But when liquidity rains down like free candy at a parade, Bitcoin will bite the moon. We’ve been buying!” 🛒🌕

Schassler’s masterplan? Imagine a world where politicians print money faster than a toddler scribbles on walls, forcing us to stash treasure in Gold and Bitcoin. It’s like Monopoly, but with more spreadsheets. 📊

Gold, he claims, will rocket to $5,000. “It’s already up 70% this year! Momentum’s the new black!” 🎀 Meanwhile, the “quiet bull market” in rocks and dirt (thanks to AI, robots, and re-industrialization) is building the new economy. Because nothing says “future” like a bunch of grumpy miners in hard hats. 👷♂️

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2025-12-23 23:39