In a move that would make even the most jaded of Russian novelists raise an eyebrow, GameStop, purveyor of pixels and polygons, has decided to hoard the digital gold known as Bitcoin.
It seems the board of this most peculiar of retail enterprises, which once took the financial world by storm, has put their collective heads together and nodded in unison—Bitcoin shall be their new found treasure.
According to missives sent to the SEC, this bold strategy is but a chess move in their grand design to turn liquidity into a golden goose for their shareholders.
“On this day of March, in the year of our Lord 2025, we do declare, with the wisdom of the ages, that Bitcoin shall join our hallowed Investment Policy. It shall sit beside the stable and true U.S. dollar, a yin to its yang, diversifying our coffers with the shiny allure of digital assets… We shall not bind ourselves with numerical constraints, for the Bitcoin is as boundless as the Russian steppe, and we may part with it as freely as we acquire.”
With a chest of $4.76 billion in cold, hard cash, GameStop strides confidently in the footsteps of giants like MicroStrategy and Tesla.
Who knows, perhaps soon they shall fill their digital strongbox with Bitcoin, bought with the proceeds of debt or the birthright of stock.
The enigmatic CEO, Ryan Cohen, has for months dropped hints like breadcrumbs, and with today’s revelation, the market responded with a 6% leap, as if on the back of a sudden, cryptic epiphany.
As the ink dries on this tale, Bitcoin stands tall at $87,914, a 1.2% rise in but a day, proving once again that in the digital age, value is as fickle as the Russian winter.
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2025-03-26 01:02