The oracle of Mammon-none other than Goldman Sachs-has peered into its crystal bottle of Krug and declared that stablecoins shall ascend like helium-fuelled debutantes at a ducal garden party: straight past the billion-mark and into the trillionaire stratosphere. One can almost hear the tulips of 1637 coughing nervously in the corner.
Behind the velvet curtain we find the GENIUS Act, so christened presumably because the last thing Congress wanted was a modestly named Sensible Coin Charter. It tidily syncs federal and state rules, ensuring the stablecoins behave like good little Victorian children-backed 1:1 with dollars, never fidgeting or forging their guardians’ signatures.
The “Gold-Rush” They Didn’t Teach at Eton
US Treasury Secretary Bessent, a man whose name sounds suspiciously like a polite curse, opines that stablecoins shall have us all snapping up Treasuries like bonbons. Rumour has it he has already commissioned gold-leaf bookmarks shaped like T-bills-how very on-brand.
Goldman’s savants, smelling opportunity the way bloodhounds smell scandal, have pencilled a $77 billion windfall for Circle’s USDC. A 40 % CAGR, they insist-figures so round and plump one could chase them through Grosvenor Square in top hats. 🎩💰
$240 Trillion in Swipes & Elbow Grease
Visa, that grande dame of plastic exquisiteness, reminds us the global payments pie is a stout $240 trillion per annum. Stablecoins merely wish to snatch a gracious sliver-say, the size of Versailles-while promising to “revolutionise” B2B, P2P and every other acronym that ever flirted with an MBA.
Each coin minted equals fresh demand for Uncle Sam’s paper IOUs, pushing short-dated yields so low they’ll need a microscope and a stiff brandy. Outflows, on the other hand, launch yields skyward like gossip at a Wildean dinner party-two to threefold, darling. 📈📉
And what of the broader crypto carnival? Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs hoovered up capital faster than Lord Henry snatches epigrams. Firms now hoard BTC as “treasury reserves,” a phrase that just three years ago would have landed one in the madhouse or Parliament-often both.
Total market cap soared to $4.17 trillion, a figure so astronomical it could rent Versailles, staff it, and still afford a modest yacht. Alas, at the time of scribbling, the tide receded to $3.81 trillion-proof that even in Utopia, gravity and margin calls remain awfully de trop. 😘💔
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2025-08-21 07:21