🤑 Fed’s 25bps Snip: Bitcoin Yawns, Gold Gleams, and Trump Fumes! 🌪️

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Pray, allow me to impart the latest tidings from the realm of finance, where the Federal Reserve, in a move as predictable as a maiden’s blush at a ball, hath trimmed its rates by a mere 25 basis points. A Labor Department revision, as unwelcome as a damp gown on a picnic, revealed that 911,000 fewer jobs were created in the past year than previously boasted-a statistical affront to the “robust labor market” fable. Coupled with the economy’s sluggish gait and a creeping sense of doom, the Fed found itself in a predicament most unenviable. “Uncertainty about the economic outlook remains elevated,” they declared with all the gravitas of a vicar at a tea party-code for we are quite beside ourselves with worry 😱.

Inflation vs. Jobs: A Most Delicate Dance

To cut rates with inflation lingering at 2.9%-still above their cherished 2% target-is a gamble as bold as proposing to a stranger at a soiree. Yet, the Fed’s dual mandate-stable prices and maximum employment-left them little choice. The newly appointed Governor Stephen Miran, Trump’s darling, dissented with the air of a man who hath imbibed too much punch, advocating for a 0.50% cut. “Go bigger, faster,” he cried, as if urging a carriage to outpace a storm. Meanwhile, hawkish members like Michelle Bowman and Christopher Waller, who once opposed cuts with the fervor of a spinster guarding her dowry, reluctantly acquiesced that a quarter-point was “sufficient for now.” 🙄

Bitcoin, Ethereum, and the “Priced In” Farce

The crypto markets, ever the picture of nonchalance, scarcely batted an eyelash. Bitcoin, trading just above $116,000, moved with all the urgency of a tortoise at a garden party-a mere 0.2% shift, according to CoinGecko. Ethereum, too, remained as still as a portrait at $4,501. The reason? The markets had anticipated this cut with the certainty of a society matron predicting the weather. The CME’s FedWatch tool placed the odds at a staggering 96% before the meeting. Traders, ever the romantics, were far more intrigued by the tea leaves of Powell’s press conference and the Fed’s updated projections, which hint at two more cuts before the year’s end. 🍵

Politics, Power Plays, and Gold’s Glittering Ascent

This rate cut did not occur in isolation, dear reader. Mr. Trump, ever the tempest in a teapot, hath been at odds with Powell’s Fed for months, accusing them of dragging their feet with the zeal of a scorned suitor. He hath installed Miran to complete a brief term and even attempted (unsuccessfully, I might add) to oust Governor Lisa Cook-who, ironically, is scarcely a hawk. A federal appeals court thwarted this maneuver, highlighting the tangled web of the White House-Fed relationship. 🕸️

Polymarket now predicts further rate cuts this year, as if we needed another omen of uncertainty.

Meanwhile, safe-haven investors are voting with their purses. Gold soared to a record $3,730 this week, up more than 10% in a month, as they hedge against both inflation and the chaos of the Trump era. If Bitcoin is to be the “digital gold” it claims, it hath yet to prove its mettle-at least in this uncertain climate. 🏆

This cut, expected and priced in, was as underwhelming as a proposal from a man one scarcely knows. The true drama, my dear, lies ahead: will Powell signal further easing? Will Trump continue his meddling? And will investors decide that Bitcoin deserves to shine like gold in these turbulent times? Only time, and perhaps a bit of gossip, will tell. 🕰️

 

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2025-09-17 23:02