🤯 Trump’s Wild Crypto Pardon Party: From Bitcoin Jesus to Dark Web Kings! 🎪

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Oh my squishy gumdrops! 🎪 What a whimsical circus we have here, my dear readers! Just when you thought the crypto world couldn’t get any more peculiar, our beloved orange-tinted former president has decided to wave his magical pardon wand! 🪄

First, he pardoned BitMEX (yes, an entire company – how absolutely scrumptious!) and its three magnificent founders, who had been naughtier than a chocolate factory run by Oompa Loompas! 🍫

And what about dear Arthur Hayes? The youngest African American billionaire who probably has more zeroes in his bank account than there are golden tickets in Wonka’s factory! After his pardon, he wrote a blog post longer than a giraffe’s neck about Trump’s tariffs. How absolutely scrumptious! 🦒

Then there’s Benjamin Delo, the British chap who’s giving away his crypto fortune faster than Augustus Gloop could drink from the chocolate river! 💰

And let’s not forget Samuel Reed, who got a fine bigger than Violet Beauregarde after she turned into a blueberry! 🫐

But wait, there’s more! The notorious Dread Pirate Roberts (aka Ross Ulbricht) got sprung from his glass elevator… I mean, prison! 🏴‍☠️

Now everyone’s wondering if SBF (that’s Sam Bankman-Fried for you muggles) might be next. He’s currently serving more time than it takes to grow a Snozzwanger! ⏰

And what about Bitcoin Jesus (Roger Ver)? He’s stuck in Spain, probably wishing he had an Everlasting Gobstopper to break out! 🙏

Last but not least, there’s CZ, who’s already free but might get an extra special golden ticket from Trump. Though he claims he’s not involved with Trump’s crypto ventures, but who knows? The plot is thicker than Willy Wonka’s fudge! 🎫

Remember, children: in the wonderful world of crypto, anything is possible – especially when you have a president with a pardon pen and a taste for the dramatic! 🎭

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2025-04-13 22:47