What to Know:
- Crypto markets witnessed an unparalleled cataclysm, where $270 million was liquidated, predominantly involving ethereally doomed longs of ether and bitcoin – spurred by a dwindling hope that the Fed might trim rates come September!
- As though waiting for bread crumbs, traders recalibrated their eagerness before Jerome Powell’s address at Jackson Hole, haunted by ETH’s whimsical volatility resembling the flicker of a candle in the tempest.
- Balancing upon a knife’s edge, Ether and the venerable Bitcoin stumbled, while XRP maintained an iron grip, showcasing the entire market’s turbulent charades of adjustment with a hint of unwarranted self-congratulation.
In This Humorous Chronicle:
BTC BTC $115,057.46 ▢0.25%
Forgive us if we seem retrospective, but the past 24 hours were akin to an absurdist play where $270 million in liquidations swiftly swept away traders’ bullish fantasies, enthralled by ether and bitcoin, primarily. The tragic farce unfurled as hopes for a September Fed rate cut dissolved like mist, with Polymarket’s odds morphing from a feeble 12% to a more stout 26%. Oh how traders recalibrated, blissfully naive, anticipating Jerome Powell’s forthcoming oration at Jackson Hole!
“It’s been a veritable tempest of a 24 hours in the crypto market,” observed Nick Forster, founder of Derive.xyz, as if speaking from some grand pulpit, “with over $270 million vanishing into the ether, led by $170 million in ETH and $104 million in BTC.” “A staggering 95% of these were none other than longs,” he proclaimed, “triggered by what only can be described as a genteel decline of 3% for ETH and 2% for BTC. And why? Because the whimsical notion of a Fed rate cut in September dwindled sharply into oblivion.”
This cosmic repricing even dared to taint the realm of derivatives, with ETH’s seven-day implied volatility ascended to 73% from 68%, while its 30-day IV slumbered undisturbed. Such divergence, do you see, presented a peculiar tableau where traders foresaw turbulence but dared not brace for a lengthy selloff, no! As mistaken as a blindfold at a masquerade.
Augustine Fan, with the perspicacity of a sage, noted that the markets had already renounced any blithe hopes of an outsized 50-basis-point cut. “Any vestiges of hope for an audacious 50bp cut this September were dashed,” he lamented, “leaving us with a scant 10% chance dangling by fate’s thread. Yet we tread toward Jackson Hole, hopelessly awaiting surprise from the monetary heavens, given the inflationary backdrop.”
And so the backdrop loomed, ever so depressingly, upon the fortunate predecessors of bitcoin and Ethereum, who plummeted to mere shadows of their former selves: $115,036 and $4,235 respectively. Meanwhile, XRP withstood this era of folly at $3.02, trimming its weekly gains to a modest 4% from a 9% façade previously held.
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2025-08-19 10:01