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Market expert Quinten Francois, who I’m sure is now the most exciting person in his family Zoom calls, took to X (formerly Twitter) to declare, “WHITE HOUSE JUST MENTIONED CHAINLINK.” His excitement is palpable, like someone shouting about finding a $20 bill in an old jacket pocket, but in crypto terms, it’s like finding a $20 bill that also gives you stock options. 🤑✨

Back in 2021, Ethereum was the belle of the bull run ball, waltzing with 234 million unique wallets and 452 million transactions. But when the music died, it didn’t sulk—it just switched playlists! Now, 2023 and 2024 have seen a resurgence of NFTs, layer 2s, and DeFi experiments, proving Ethereum isn’t a one-hit wonder. “This year could match or even outshine 2024,” said Sara Gherghelas, DappRadar’s analyst, “because Ethereum remains the cake decorator of Web3—sprinkling sugar on DeFi and NFTs.” 🎂

Instead of individually interrogating each and every crypto project, the SEC has decided to roll out the red carpet for a buffet of new crypto ETPs—you know, those fancy investment vehicles that sound like robots with a British accent. Trusting investors to tell their tokens apart just got easier, as long as your favorite digital coin is as punctual as your Monday morning alarm. The plan? A tidy, uniform set of rules—because nothing says fun like standardized chaos for Bitcoin (BTC), Ethereum (ETH), Solana (SOL), XRP, and a host of others who are probably just waiting by the phone. 📞💰

In a report as urgent as a wartime telegram, Cornerstone revealed that the twin specters of artificial intelligence and cryptocurrency have become the top complaints in the first half of 2025. With 12 AI-related filings and 6 crypto-related ones, they nuzzle close to last year’s total. And yet, amid this digital uproar, the overall number of securities class actions—those claims of loss by aggrieved shareholders—remains as steady as an old oak, with a mere 114 new suits this year compared to 115 in the latter half of 2024. 🤑

On the fateful day of July 29, the Department of Justice, led by the discerning Chief U.S. District Judge Richard Seeborg, delivered the verdict. Following a five‑week spectacle of courtroom theatrics, Andrade—aged 47—was found guilty of orchestrating an elaborate fraud. His purportedly revolutionary digital currency, which had promised to reshape the financial landscape, turned out to be nothing more than an intricate façade. With an additional three years of supervised release looming and restitution hearings set for September 16, his tale of hubris and downfall continues to unfold. 😏

The remaining duo, BIO and RSC, dive into this DeSci nonsense—crypto’s awkward flirtation with science. BIO wants to throw money at research like a eccentric billionaire at a party, while RSC aims to turn us all into armchair scientists. Both start trading tomorrow, probably with the same fanfare as a bad magic trick. 🔮🤦‍♂️

This crypto-conversion was officially announced in July 2025, with all digital assets safely tucked away in a regulated, institutional-grade custodian. Rest assured, they’re playing by the rules—Turkish and international laws alike. No shady business here, just a healthy dose of financial innovation. 📜⚖️

Meanwhile, as if SUI needed a dose of humility, our orange friend was down 4% in the last 24 hours, says CoinMarketCap. Frankly, the whole crypto market had a collective yawn after a short-lived party earlier this week.