Two Bitcoin Whales Wake Up After 14 Years—and Lawmakers Panic Over Crypto Week!

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Well now, if you ever needed proof that patience is a virtue — or that some folks just have the nerves of a tombstone — take a gander at what happened Friday. Bitcoin went slip-slidin’ below the $109,000 line quicker than a greased pig at a county fair, and the whole digital asset barnyard squealed in unison. 🐖💸

Turns out, a couple of slumbering sea monsters (“whales,” as the city slickers say) rolled over in their watery beds and sent a whopping 20,000 BTC — that’s about $2.18 billion by my arithmetic — shuffling out the door in just one session. If you listened real close, you could almost hear a chorus of fainting spells from Wall Street to Timbuktu.

Sure, Bitcoin has puffed up by 85% in the last twelve months. But even the sturdiest riverboat captain gets jittery when his cargo starts splashing around without warning.

Dormant Whales: Money That Napped Better Than Rip Van Winkle

According to the gossips at Lookonchain, one wallet chomped down on 10,000 BTC for a mere $7,805 back when folks were busy planking and calling it a sport. That was April 2011, when a whole Bitcoin cost less than a cup of diner coffee. Now, that same digital sack is sitting pretty — well over $1 billion. Take that, inflation!

Before anybody could finish sipping their coffee (or tossing it at their computer, as the case may be), another mysterious address dragged a matching pile — 10,000 BTC — from the vault. That’s 20,000 BTC dropped in a single morning, and a mind-melting 140,000× return. Makes you wish you’d skipped that latte and bought magic internet beans, doesn’t it? ☕🌱

Another wallet of this Bitcoin OG also transferred out 10,000 $BTC ($1.09B) just now after being dormant for 14+ years.

14 years ago, $BTC was only $0.78 — that’s a mind-blowing 140,000x return!

— Lookonchain (@lookonchain) July 4, 2025

The “Crypto Week” Circus: Politicians Chase Their Own Tails

Not to be outdone, the lawmakers in Washington are hustlin’ up a show from July 14th to 18th they’re calling “Crypto Week.” I suppose it’s better than “Pretend We Know Tech Week,” but only just. They’re parading three big bills through the House — the Digital Asset Market Clarity Act, the Anti‑CBDC Surveillance State Act (which sounds real neighborly), and the Senate’s GENIUS Act (because acronyms win votes, apparently).

The whole point, so they say, is to write up some rulebook to teach these digital coins to behave. Course, some reckon all this yapping could wring even more volatility out of the market than a Mississippi steamboat race.

Chairman French Hill, “GT” Thompson, and Speaker Johnson are hootin’ and hollerin’ about handing these bills straight over to Donald Trump. Whether any of it brings “clarity,” or just more confusion, is anybody’s bet.

Meanwhile, Bitcoin tiptoed past $109K in the wee hours, then curled up on the porch at $108,700, just a hop, skip, and a jump ($3,000) from its all-time high. If this was horse racing, you’d bet on drama every lap. US spot-ETFs can’t get enough BTC, and a few corporate treasuries keep piling on for good measure. But between rising rates, jittery banks, and the world acting up everywhere you look, there’s just enough thunder in the distance to keep folks glancing over their shoulders. 🏦🌩️

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2025-07-05 06:34