Investors Bewildered as SEC Spins a Never-Ending Tale Around XRP ETFs 🤦‍♂️

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In the year of our Lord—somewhat more modern, though no less perplexing than any bygone age—Reuters on a Monday (a day universally disliked by peasants, kings, and financiers alike) delivered a missive which declared: The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, as capricious and inscrutable as a Russian winter, will not, apparently, be hastening to embrace a multitude of spot cryptocurrency exchange-traded fund (ETF) proposals.

Betting houses such as Polymarket now calculate the odds of a spot XRP ETF being granted benediction by July 31 to be a paltry 7%. At the dawn of the month, hopefuls still sipped their kvass with a 32% measure of optimism; and in April—imagine, just months ago!—there was talk in the bathhouses of a 50% chance. Hope, as ever, prefers to torment.

The chronicle (that is, the aforementioned report) whispers that the agency is laboriously shaping a refined mechanism for blessing spot-based crypto ETFs—a procedural catechism, if you will. They have composed a 12-page treatise (for is anything of value ever under twelve pages?) on disclosure requirements. This parchment was unleashed earlier in the month, to the delight of lawyers and despair of everyone else.

Matt Hougan of Bitwise, in a moment of cheerfulness or perhaps delirium, suggests that the mere presence of such guidance signals that spot crypto ETFs have made their pilgrimage into the mainstream. This is akin to declaring a man Russian when he has stood in line for bread.

Yet, comrades, the second chapter in this bureaucratic saga promises true substance. It will, rumor has it, institute a universal framework for listings; one that may liberate the people from the Sisyphean torment of 19b-4 filings, the paperwork equivalent of plowing the steppe by hand.

Currently, the wise elders (or “people familiar with the matter”—possibly the same souls who know where lost socks disappear to) are engaged in profound musing. No spot crypto ETFs shall be granted until these deliberations yield fruit, which, like the coming of spring—or a train on schedule in late imperial Russia—shall arrive only in the fall. 🍂

As the tale develops, whispers suggest Solana ETFs might be the first to receive the SEC’s fabled nod. The report, in tones not unlike Tolstoy describing a battle that never quite ends, notes that rumors had circulated of an acceleration in the approval process for spot-based crypto ETFs. Naïve optimism—how tender its bloom, how fleeting its lifespan!

The ceremonial launch of the first staking-enabled Solana ETF was supposed to herald “crypto ETF summer.” Alas, the gods of regulation hath decreed: not yet, dear reader, not yet. The summer may be endless, but regulatory approval, it seems, may be eternal.

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2025-07-07 17:45