Alright, listen to this: Bitcoin, with all its “future of finance” nonsense, spent the entire morning basically going out for a cup of coffee and then just standing on the sidewalk staring at its phone, doing nothing. Price? $109,053 to $109,500. Yeah, real exciting, right? Market cap is $2.16 trillion—so basically everyone you know is richer than you, at least on paper. And the trading volume? $21.07 billion, which, let’s be honest, is probably just the same people panic-buying and panic-selling back and forth. The range is tighter than Larry’s patience at a coffee shop that doesn’t use lids. 🤷♂️
Bitcoin
So, you’re staring at the daily chart, hoping for some action, but nope! Bitcoin’s forming what they call a “higher low” at $108,000, which basically means it fell down, took a little nap, and still refuses to get up. Support between $98,240 and $100,000 is apparently “holding firm”—Oh, congratulations! Give it a medal! Meanwhile, resistance at $110,587 is just sitting there, rolling its eyes every time Bitcoin tries to get close. Volume’s picking up around the lows, which might mean someone’s actually getting interested, but my guess is they’re just bored. If it can actually breach $110k with “conviction” (whatever that means), up we go! If not, and it dips below $104,000…well, cue the sad trombone.

Now, on the 4-hour chart, we’re consolidating. That’s just a fancy way of saying “going nowhere fast.” It’s bouncing around in some range between $107,300 and $110,000. Higher lows, lower highs, you know—the financial equivalent of being stuck in traffic and moving up one car length every 15 minutes. Green candles look nice, but let’s not kid ourselves, okay? A breakout above $110,000, and maybe excitement returns. Until then, it’s just noise. If it falls under $107,300, things get awkward. Maybe even ugly. Like running into your ex at the deli ugly.

Zoom in again to the 1-hour chart and, big shocker, still bouncing between $108,000 and $109,500. They’re calling this a “bullish flag” pattern, but it looks more like a sad attempt at drawing a rectangle. Support at $108,000 has been tested more often than my patience during rush hour. Maybe we get a breakout over $109,800 (ooh, thrilling) and everyone parties for five minutes. Or, it breaks down below $108,000, and Twitter melts down in panic memes. It’s a coin flip, really—a very expensive, stress-inducing coin flip.

Let’s talk about “oscillators”—which honestly sound more like something you’d buy at Sharper Image than a financial tool. RSI is 57, stochastic is 68, CCI is 76… None of it means anything, really. Everyone’s indecisive, same as every person at a three-way stop. The ADX is at 9, which is financial-speak for “couldn’t care less.” Momentum oscillator says “sell,” MACD says “buy”—so they’re basically arguing at Thanksgiving dinner. Good luck figuring that out.
Now, moving averages (like you need more averages in your life) are looking bullish. The 10-period and 20-period EMAs are leaning up, which usually means “yay!” but I’ve seen this movie before—sometimes they just roll back over and die. Long-term averages, same thing, blah blah blah, bullish “alignment.” As always, if resistance gives in (spoiler: it never does when you want it to!), things might get interesting. Might. Don’t hold your breath.
Bull Verdict:
If bitcoin manages to do literally anything above $108,000 and can finally crawl past $110,000 without falling asleep at the wheel, sure, the trend is up. Congratulations to all who “held the line”—have a cookie. But if it doesn’t, I’m blaming the Fed, the whales, or maybe just bad karma.
Bear Verdict:
If bitcoin slips under $108,000 (again), prepare for more moaning, finger-pointing, and Reddit threads titled “THIS IS FINE.” $105,000 is the next pit stop, but honestly, if it hits $100,000 again, people will act like it’s The Great Depression—until it starts moving up and then suddenly everyone “knew” it was going to do that. Because, you know…science! 🥴
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2025-07-09 16:33