In an unexpected twist that has all the suspense of a daytime soap opera, corporate interest in Bitcoin has soared to dizzying heights in the second quarter of the year, as companies gobbled up a jaw-dropping 159,107 BTC—worth more than the GDP of a small country! 💰 That’s over $17.6 billion for those of you who don’t keep a running tally of cryptocurrencies on a chalkboard in your kitchen.
This shiny new figure marks a 23.13% increase from the previous quarter—a number so impressive it could make a gym coach weep. Now, companies hold a cumulative total of 847,000 BTC, which is about 4% of the capped 21 million supply. Thanks for the info, Bitwise Asset Management; it’s not like I was busy brushing my cat’s fur or anything.
Hold onto your wallets, folks! The total value of these corporate Bitcoin holdings catapulted to $91 billion, mind you, based on Bitcoin’s closing price of $107,754! That’s a 60.93% price increase, which really puts my last haircut into perspective. And just when we thought it couldn’t get crazier, BTC surged to a new all-time high above $112,000 this very Wednesday. I can almost hear the sound of speculators giggling from my living room!
Oh, and let’s not forget the public companies in on the action—46 new players jumped into the Bitcoin ring, bringing our total to 125. That’s a 58.23% increase quarter-over-quarter! I could swear I smelled desperation and a hint of greed wafting through the air, but maybe that was just my neighbor’s cooking.
Saylor’s Strategy: The Mastermind Behind the Madness
Leading this bizarre Bitcoin ballet is none other than Michael Saylor and his firm, Strategy, clutching an impressive BTC stash of 597,325 coins. Yes, folks, that’s nearly enough to cover a Las Vegas buffet for the entire Bitcoin-converted population. Saylor has been playing the accumulation game like a skilled musician—issuing convertible notes and offering ATM equity faster than you can say “blockchain.” 🎵
But who knew hoarding digital coins could help stock prices? Strategy’s shares are up a staggering 43% year-to-date, outpacing the S&P 500’s dull 6.4% gain. It’s like finding out your gluten-free diet is actually helping your cholesterol! The company’s stock has seen an increase of more than 6% in the past month and a 9% bump just last week. Is this a miracle or just a really good PR team?
Not to be outdone, our friends at MARA Holdings, the second-largest Bitcoin hoarder, are holding onto 49,940 BTC. Their shares are enjoying a respectable 10% gain this year, which is more than I can say for my houseplants.
New contenders are throwing their hats into the crypto ring, too. The audacious Twenty One just launched with a $685 million capital raise, swiftly plowing over $450 million into Bitcoin. Meanwhile, across the ocean in Japan, Metaplanet is dominating Tokyo’s trading volume like it’s a street corner sushi stand, amassing 13,350 BTC and surpassing household names like Toyota and Sony. What’s next? A partnership with a famous pop star?
In a twist that could only happen in 2023, GameStop is now in the Bitcoin game, adding 4,710 BTC to their balance sheet and solidifying their reputation as a *not quite crypto-native* firm. As if that wasn’t enough, Trump Media is also looking to raise $2.5 billion for more Bitcoin, likely to ensure they can party like it’s 2099.
London BTC Company Attempts a Comeback
On Wednesday, the London BTC Company formerly known as Vinanz secured a meager $2 million through the issuance of 11.5 million ordinary shares, which sounds like a lot until you consider that they’ve got active mining operations in the US and Canada. They claim this capital will support further BTC accumulation. You’ve got to admit, the optimism is adorable.
However, despite their ambitious plans, the company’s stock has been taking a nosedive, down over 42% year-to-date, and tumbling more than 7% in just 24 hours. If stocks had feelings, I’d feel really bad for them right now. 😬
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2025-07-10 12:36