Right. So Bitcoin has thrown a proper tantrum today, hasn’t it? 💸 Like a toddler denied ice cream, BTC crashed spectacularly ahead of Jerome Powell’s speech – because apparently, the Federal Reserve Chair’s words now hold more power over crypto than Elon Musk’s Twitter account. Who knew?
The entire crypto market collectively lost $144 billion in a few hours. That’s more than my entire dating history’s worth of disappointment. Ethereum, XRP, and Solana followed Bitcoin’s lead like sad little ducklings trailing their depressed mother.
Why Crypto is Having an Existential Crisis Today
Reasons for the meltdown (because we all need someone to blame):
- China being China – They hate crypto but love mining it? Make it make sense. 🤷♀️
- Whales swimming to USDT – The crypto equivalent of rich people fleeing to their bunkers at the first sign of trouble.
- Bitcoin leverage – Basically crypto bros playing with money they don’t have. What could go wrong?
- Seasonal trends – Because apparently even digital currencies get seasonal affective disorder.
In five short hours, Bitcoin went from $91,300 to $86,300. That’s like losing the value of several small countries’ GDPs in the time it takes to binge-watch a season of Love Island. Embarrassing.
What Powell Might Say (And Why We Should Care)
Tonight, Powell will discuss economy stuff – inflation, unemployment, and whether we’re all doomed. Basically the financial equivalent of a doctor’s prognosis after you Google your symptoms.
Things Crypto Bros Are Obsessively Watching For:
- Interest rate cuts – The financial equivalent of a participation trophy
- Quantitative Easing – Because printing money solves everything, right?
- The Fed’s stance on unemployment – Which directly affects how much money people can lose trading crypto
If Powell says nice things about rate cuts, crypto might rally like a drunk person at last orders. If he’s grumpy about inflation, expect more tears and “HODL” memes.
The FED Rate Cut Drama
Markets are currently 87% sure we’ll get a rate cut in December. That’s slightly better odds than me successfully assembling IKEA furniture, so take that as you will.
The crypto market is currently more on edge than me at a family gathering where politics comes up. December 1 could be either a new beginning or just more of the same – much like my New Year’s resolutions.
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FAQs (Frequently Avoided Questions)
Why is Bitcoin crashing today?
Because the universe hates you and wants you to suffer. Also leverage, whales, and Powell.
How does Powell’s speech affect crypto?
It makes grown men cry into their cold wallets.
When will Jerome Powell speak today?
8:00 pm ET, or whenever he finishes his fifth coffee.
When is Jerome Powell’s next Fed meeting?
December 9-10, 2025 – mark your calendars between failed trades.
When does Jerome Powell’s term as Fed Chair end?
February 2026, or whenever he gets tired of crypto bros blaming him for everything.
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2025-12-01 10:16