Jennette McCurdy Details “Exhausting” Romance With Older Man as Teen

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Jennette McCurdyis reflecting on an extremely toxic past relationship. 

Before her first novel, Half His Age, comes out on January 20th, Jennette McCurdy, known for iCarly, shared how a teenage relationship with a man in his thirties was draining due to their significant age difference.

Jennette, now 33, remembered that she was probably 18 when she met a man at work. During a January 7th interview on the Call Her Daddy podcast, she explained that he would try to impress her by sharing things he thought she’d enjoy, like the movie Dazed and Confused and certain music. Even though she didn’t actually like them, she pretended she did.

Their relationship was complicated by a significant age difference and the fact that he was already in a committed relationship with someone else at the time. This also happened right before Jennette’s mother, Debra McCurdy, passed away.

It was simply draining,” Jennette explained. “I recall one night he came to my apartment while intoxicated. I had just moved out of my mom’s house and was still getting settled, and even then, there were a lot of warning signs.

After he ended his previous relationship to be with the former Nickelodeon star, she was focused on caring for her mother following a hospital stay, and he reportedly wanted to be there with them both.

Jennette remembered facing a difficult situation: she couldn’t bring her boyfriend – whom her seriously ill mother didn’t know about and wouldn’t have liked – to stay with them at her apartment while her mother was there. Her boyfriend often accused her of not meeting his needs, so she’d offer to book a hotel room instead.

The former Sam & Cat star remembered being very young when she booked a hotel near Universal Studios, thinking it was a great place to stay. She was excited, hoping she’d have time to ride the Harry Potter-themed attraction!

She also revealed he pressured her into sexual activity, and that she hadn’t even known about oral sex before he told her about it.

“I was completely caught off guard,” she said. “Looking back, it’s almost comical, but in the moment, it was really hard to process what had just happened and understand what it all meant.”

Meanwhile, Jennette’s boyfriend constantly complimented her, telling her she was mature and expressing amazement at how intelligent she was, saying he couldn’t have such open conversations with anyone else.

Looking back, that whole situation just left me feeling completely helpless. Honestly, it’s embarrassing to even think about now. The guy I was with at the time – we split up after my mom passed away in 2013 – well, let’s just say I see him in a very different light now. He really didn’t handle things well, and I just feel so much stronger having moved on.

As she put it, “Can you imagine now being with like a [teenager]? Creepy.”

For more revelations Jennette has shared about her time as a child actor, keep reading… 

Jennette’s mom, Debra McCurdy, secured an audition for Jennette and her brother, Marcus, with talent agent Barbara Cameron (the mother of Kirk and Candace). However, Barbara only wanted to represent Marcus, telling Debra that Jennette “lacked charisma.” Because they were devout Mormons, Debra asked Jennette to pray that Barbara would change her mind, and she also persuaded the agency to take Jennette on as a client. Jennette ended up disliking the acting classes she had to attend as a result of this arrangement.

I’ve seen firsthand how tricky things can get when kids start working, and Jennette’s story really resonated with me. When she was just six and landed her first job as an extra, her mom, acting as her manager, made a promise: she’d only take a salary for herself and cover essential expenses. The problem? ‘Essentials’ were never actually defined! Looking back, Jennette has said that experience was incredibly stressful and, honestly, if she could go back in time, she wouldn’t do it again. It’s a good reminder that even with the best intentions, clear communication about finances is crucial when a child enters the workforce.

As a young actress, Jennette was booking jobs, but they were smaller roles and her mom felt she deserved more. It sounds funny now, but back in 2003, after appearing on Malcolm in the Middle and developing a little schoolgirl crush on Frankie Muniz, she actually worried she was being punished for having those ‘impure thoughts’! She seriously wondered if her feelings were somehow blocking her from landing bigger opportunities. It just shows how much pressure young performers face, and how easily they can overthink things!

Debra once told young Jennette, who was eight years old, that it wasn’t okay to need bathroom breaks during work. Ironically, Debra herself eventually had to ask to use the restroom. While heading there, she cried and apologized to her mother, who still insisted on wiping her after she used the toilet, not trusting Jennette to do it herself.

Jennette revealed she spent five years fearing showers, and that her mother continued to bathe her until she was twelve years old. She also described how her mother would perform breast and pelvic exams on her, explaining it was to check for lumps. Jennette coped with these exams by imagining she was at Disneyland, and felt greatly relieved when they were finished.

Jennette accidentally revealed she could cry on command during an acting class, and she admitted it quickly became a problem. She described having to force herself to cry during auditions as a deeply unpleasant experience, often involving imagining terrible things happening to her family. She vividly remembers crying during her audition for the 2003 film Hollywood Homicide, starring Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett—an audition that was ultimately successful.

Following a failed audition for the 2002 CBS show Without a Trace, Jennette told her mother, Debra, that she no longer wanted to act. Debra strongly disagreed, saying acting was her passion. When Jennette remained firm, Debra became very upset, crying and pleading, “You can’t quit! This was our opportunity! This was our chance!”

Debra repeatedly pushed Jennette to wear a very specific outfit to auditions – a fuzzy pink shirt with a rhinestone heart, black skorts that looked like leather, and black go-go boots. Jennette admitted to her mother that the outfit made her feel uncomfortable and inappropriate, like she was dressed as a streetwalker, but Debra insisted anyway.

Jennette went to an audition for Grey’s Anatomy wearing a certain outfit, but the casting director asked her to dress more simply. They had an assistant lend her a flannel shirt to achieve that look. She was asked to come back for another audition, but she didn’t get the part. When her mother, Debra, asked why, Jennette’s agent (who wasn’t Barbara anymore) said the casting director thought she was “too pretty” for the role. Jennette wrote that it was the first time her mother seemed happy she hadn’t gotten a part.

Jennette was thrilled to share her screenplay with her mother, but Debra responded negatively, suggesting writing might lead to an unhealthy lifestyle and warning her against gaining weight.

Jennette was frightened when she began developing breasts, immediately worrying about cancer because her mother had been diagnosed with the disease at age two. Although her mother told her this was normal and could be controlled by eating less, Jennette later revealed this wasn’t true. When she was about twelve years old and weighed only 61 pounds, her mother falsely reassured the doctor that she would encourage Jennette to eat more.

Jennette described her first period as a trigger to restart her eating disorder, feeling unprepared for the changes her body was undergoing.

While on tour in 2011 promoting her single ‘Generation Love,’ Jennette McCurdy experienced something new: she ate until she felt genuinely full. This felt strange—she felt good, but also guilty and worried about her mother’s reaction. Her mother was battling cancer again and couldn’t join her on tour, and when Jennette returned home, her mother immediately commented that she was ‘getting chunky.’

Jennette McCurdy felt she was treated as a sexual object while working on the Nickelodeon show iCarly, which began in 2007. She remembers the costume designer telling her that the show’s creator specifically requested she wear bikinis, even though she preferred one-piece swimsuits. She was deeply uncomfortable with her body, feeling both small and afraid of being seen as sexual.

Jennette McCurdy claims that Dan Schneider, the creator of her shows, encouraged her to drink alcohol when she was 18. He reportedly told her it was okay, pointing out that the young actors on Victorious often drank together and that the iCarly cast could use a bit of rebelliousness, according to her account.

She recalled a conversation with “The Creator” about potentially starring in her own show after iCarly (a plan that ultimately didn’t materialize as he’d suggested). During this conversation, he began to massage her shoulders. She wrote that she desperately wanted to ask him to stop, but was too afraid of upsetting him.

She never identifies “The Creator” by name.

In an interview with the New York Times about her book, Jennette explained that she felt exploited throughout her childhood and teenage years. She clarified that some people involved may have been unaware of the harm they were causing, while others were fully aware of their actions.

TopMob News contacted Nickelodeon, as well as the representatives for Dan Schneider, the creator of iCarly and Sam & Cat, but hasn’t received a response. Schneider and Nickelodeon ended their working relationship in 2018. A later investigation by ViacomCBS, as reported by The New York Times, revealed claims of verbal abuse, but no evidence of sexual misconduct. Schneider has stated he left Nickelodeon on good terms, telling The Times in 2021 that his strong relationships with colleagues prove he never mistreated anyone, especially young actors.

Jennette’s first kiss was with her co-star, Nathan Kress, but it happened during filming and she wasn’t comfortable with it. She said he was nice about it, but she was eager for the scene to end. She remembered feeling tense and physically resisting, and the director asking her to move her head more for the shot.

In the summer of 2013, Jennette’s mother was very ill after fighting breast cancer for twenty years. Jennette, who was 21 at the time, remembered her three brothers trying to cheer their mother up with good news – like an engagement – hoping to wake her. Jennette believed her mother cared deeply about her weight, so she whispered that she had dropped to 89 pounds, hoping to bring her mother back. Remarkably, her mother left the ICU after doctors predicted she had only 48 hours to live, and ultimately passed away peacefully at home with hospice care.

Jennette revealed she grew frustrated with Ariana Grande’s rising popularity as a singer, especially since it meant she had to work around Ariana’s busy schedule for their show, Sam & Cat. She explained that she regretted being so accommodating, writing, “I wish I hadn’t been such a good sport. It put me in a terrible situation – stuck on a show I didn’t like, delivering lines I hated, with a hairstyle I despised.”

By 2014, as the show Sam & Cat—which only ran for one season—was finishing up, Jennette wrote that the creator was no longer allowed on set with the actors. He was moved to a separate room where he could only watch the filming remotely, a consequence from the network due to accusations of emotional abuse. Jennette felt this should have happened much earlier.

As the show ended, Nickelodeon reportedly offered her $300,000 to stay silent about her time there, according to her recollection of the offer. She refused. Nickelodeon has not yet commented on this matter.

Jennette dismissed the idea that the show ended because she was bothered by Ariana earning a higher salary. She seemed resigned to being blamed for the show’s cancellation, writing, “Whatever. They need someone to blame, and it seems like I’m the one.”

Following her mother’s passing, Jennette admitted she was relieved she’d lost her appetite. She wrote that being thin made her feel worthwhile and good about her body, focusing on her small size. However, shortly after, while having dinner with friends, she ate a large meal and finished a whole bottle of sake. She later realized she could have purged it all, and surprisingly, she felt a sense of triumph, believing it marked a positive turning point.

She developed a dangerous pattern of heavy drinking to cope with her bulimia. By 2014, as the show Sam & Cat was ending, she began to feel like a heart attack brought on by the eating disorder was inevitable. She admitted it was difficult to say, but a part of her even wished for it, as she felt it would be a way to end her suffering.

I was absolutely horrified learning how bad things got for her. She was stuck in this awful cycle, making herself throw up five to ten times a day, and then drinking, like, eight or nine shots every night just to cope. It broke my heart to read that her anxiety, especially around red carpets, was a huge part of it. Thankfully, her therapist was amazing and started going to events with her. It was this sad pattern – she’d binge eat backstage to calm her nerves, and then she’d be crying in the car on the way home. It just…it really showed how much she was suffering, and I just wanted to reach through the pages and help her.

She eventually ended her therapy sessions with a text message, still hesitant to explore difficult experiences from her childhood. Her bulimia didn’t stop, and her teeth began to decay. A turning point came when she coughed up a tooth while on a flight to Sydney for a Netflix press tour—and then her Uber driver played Ariana Grande’s song “Focus on Me” when she arrived. This made her realize she needed help. Her new therapist reassured her that setbacks are a common part of getting better over time.

When Jennette was growing up, her mother, Debra, often said she wished she’d married someone other than Jennette’s father, Mark. Jennette recalled her mother believing she was meant for a life of success and wealth. As a result, Debra began pushing Jennette to pursue her own unfulfilled dreams of becoming an actress.

After Jennette’s mother passed away and her stepfather, Mark, was planning to remarry, he revealed to Jennette and her two brothers that he wasn’t their biological father. When she finally worked up the courage to ask who their real father was, Mark admitted he didn’t know, explaining that their mother, Debra, had been unfaithful.

I’ve heard some incredible stories, and this one really stuck with me. Jennette eventually found her birth father online – he was a talented trombone player who’d actually worked on several movie soundtracks! She brought along some friends, including her iCarly co-star Miranda Cosgrove, to a jazz concert where he was performing. When they met, he shared that he did know he had children with her mother, Debra. They’d even had a custody battle years ago, which her mom won. He admitted he wasn’t sure if she or her brothers would want to reconnect, so he decided to give them space and let them reach out if they ever wanted to.

Throughout the book, Jennette described her strong friendship with Miranda, who became one of the few people she felt comfortable confiding in about her struggles with an eating disorder. Jennette appreciated Miranda’s support, but also found it anxiety-inducing to have someone constantly observing what she ate. It was simpler to keep her difficulties hidden.

Miranda asked Jennette to participate in a new version of iCarly, promising equal pay. However, Jennette declined, explaining that her well-being was a higher priority than the financial compensation.

After Jennette McCurdy shared her difficult experiences working on iCarly, Miranda Cosgrove told The New York Times that it’s easy to be self-absorbed when you’re young and unaware of what others might be going through.

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2026-01-07 20:49