Canadian Crypto Kingpin’s Hilarious Attempt to Hide $43.5 Million in Bitcoin Fails Miserably!

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So, picture this: a Canadian crypto payments app founder, Firoz Patel, thought he could play hide and seek with 450 Bitcoin. Spoiler alert: he’s not winning any prizes for that game. A US judge has just sentenced him to another three and a half years in the slammer for trying to conceal his digital treasure from the feds. Because, you know, hiding money from the government always works out well. 🙄

In a plot twist that even Netflix would find too ridiculous, Judge Dabney Friedrich handed down a 41-month sentence after Patel decided to plead guilty to one count of obstruction. I mean, who knew that trying to hide $43.5 million in Bitcoin would land you in hot water? The Department of Justice must be having a field day with this one. 😂

Let’s rewind to 2020, when Patel was already sentenced to three years in jail for running Payza, a crypto payment service that was about as licensed as a lemonade stand. He was basically the Robin Hood of money laundering, but without the whole giving-to-the-poor part. Instead, he was serving up cash to Ponzi schemers and pyramid scammers like it was a buffet. 🍽️

As if that wasn’t enough, Patel was ordered to cough up any property he gained from his not-so-legal ventures. But what did he say? “Oh, I only have $30,000 in my retirement account.” Right, because that’s totally believable. 🙃

Fast forward to after his sentencing, and what does our hero do? He tries to deposit his hidden Bitcoin with Binance, but surprise! They flagged his account and shut it down faster than you can say “money laundering.” Not one to give up, he opened an account at Blockchain.com under his dad’s name. Because, obviously, that’s a foolproof plan. Spoiler: it wasn’t. The funds got frozen, and he resorted to asking a business associate to provide fake ID. Classic! 😅

As Patel sat in his cozy prison cell, he realized the feds were onto him. So, what does he do? He hires someone to impersonate a lawyer. Because nothing says “I’m innocent” like a fake lawyer! But, plot twist again: the investigators caught wind of his little scheme and decided to ruin his fun by indicting him before he could even taste freedom. 🎭

Now, on top of his new prison sentence, Judge Friedrich has ordered Patel to three years of supervised release and to forfeit over $24 million along with the 450 BTC that Blockchain.com is currently holding. So, if you’re keeping score, that’s a whole lot of time in jail and a whole lot of money down the drain. Who knew crime didn’t pay? 🤷‍♀️

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2025-02-07 05:41