Bitcoin Bombshell: Metaplanet & Semler in Freefall, Strategy Stands Tall!

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Picture it: Bitcoin, like a clown tripping over its oversized shoes, nosedives to $74,500 thanks to Trump’s tariff tomfoolery. And it’s not just your corner store feeling the squeeze – giant companies like Metaplanet and Semler are getting their stock prices trampled in this financial slapstick! 🤣

Now, hold onto your bowler hat: Bitcoin has crashed to its lowest in five months, dropping a whopping 33% since its January peak. MicroStrategy, our daring protagonist, spent a mind-blowing $35.6 billion on Bitcoin and is left with a measly unrealized gain of about $3.9 billion. Talk about a financial pratfall that even a Marx Brothers skit would envy!

Metaplanet and Semler Stumble as Bitcoin Dips; Strategy Sashays On

On April 2, Metaplanet found itself holding 4,206 BTC purchased at an eye-popping $88,800 a pop, leaving the firm 15% in the red – like a burlesque act gone terribly wrong. And Monday? Oh, Monday delivered a 20% nosedive in just one day, as if their stock was caught in a pie fight of epic proportions! 😂

Meanwhile, Semler Scientific isn’t having a better day. Buying BTC at an average of $87,854, the company’s stock took a 38% tumble, courtesy of Bitcoin’s annual 20% decline. While MetaPlanet wobbled with a 15% drop, Strategy managed to limp along with only a minor 2% decline. Bravo, Strategy – you’re the cool cucumber in this cosmic comedy! 😎

And then, enter Strategy – the heavyweight champion of this crypto circus. With a staggering 528,185 BTC, worth a jaw-dropping $39.5 billion today (each coin snagged at an average of $67,458), they seem to have a secret stash of comedy gold. Even with Bitcoin belly-flopping, their stock pirouettes at nearly double its crypto value. According to CoinDesk Research, even if Bitcoin trips further, MSTR isn’t on the liquidation express anytime soon. Marvelous, indeed! 😏

Metaplanet Announces Early Redemption Razzle

In the latest act of our absurd financial farce, Metaplanet Inc. announced that on April 4, 2025, it pulled a fast and furious move to fully repay its 9th Series of Ordinary Bonds – a neat 2 billion JPY – well before the curtain was scheduled to fall. This follows a partial repayment of 1.5 billion JPY on March 27, 2025, and was funded by EVO FUND’s exercise of stock acquisition rights. Now that’s what we call a financial vanishing trick! 🤹‍♂️

Since those bonds were interest-free (talk about a free ride!), the full repayment is about as dramatic as a whoopee cushion at a board meeting. Expect Metaplanet’s fiscal performance for the year ending December 31, 2025, to barely bat an eye. 🎈

As if the plot couldn’t thicken any more, they recently secured ¥2.63 billion to bulk up their Bitcoin holdings, doubling down on crypto like it’s a ticket to the main show. They even snapped up an extra 696 BTC, upping the grand total to 4,046 BTC. All this while their Bitcoin Income Generation business raked in ¥770 million in Q1 with an eye-popping 95.6% year-to-date BTC yield. Now that’s one comeback performance that could rival any Mel Brooks classic! 🤡

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2025-04-07 15:42