Right, so the world’s gone a bit pear-shaped, hasn’t it? Trump’s chucking tariffs around like confetti at a divorce party, and guess who’s feeling it? Bitcoin. Down 7%. Seven! Like someone just kicked its puppy. Analysts are all doom and gloom, naturally. 🙄
US Tariffs: Crypto’s New Frenemy?
Apparently, these tariffs, which, let’s be honest, no one *really* understands, are scaring everyone into thinking the sky is falling. Global recession? Job losses? Sounds like a delightful Tuesday. 🙃
Bitcoin’s taken a tumble, yeah. From a somewhat respectable $82,300 to a ‘oh god, is this it?’ $74,500. In 24 hours. I mean, I’ve had relationships last longer. 💔
And the altcoins? Don’t even get me started. Ethereum, Solana, XRP – all having a proper meltdown. Down 17%, 16%, 15% respectively. It’s like watching a toddler’s birthday party go horribly wrong. Cake everywhere, tears, existential dread. 🎂
Some crypto ‘expert’ called Ali Martinez (who, let’s face it, probably has a way more interesting life than me) says there’s more pain to come. Apparently, Bitcoin’s flashed a ‘death cross’. Sounds kinky, but is actually just bad. 💀
A ‘death cross’, for those of you who aren’t fluent in crypto-speak (which, frankly, is most of us), is when one line goes below another line. Apparently, this means bad things. Like, “sell everything and move to a remote island” bad. 🏝️
And then there’s Peter Brandt, another guru, showing charts with triangles and wedges. He reckons Bitcoin might drop to $54,000. Which, I mean, at this point, why not? Let’s just burn it all down. 🔥
Apparently, this triangle thing means… something. Indecision? A potential breakout? Honestly, who knows. It’s all just squiggly lines to me. 🤷♀️
And a ‘wedge retest’? Sounds like something you’d order from Ann Summers. Apparently it’s when something breaks out and then goes back to where it started. Like my New Year’s resolutions. 🥂
Buy the Dip? Or Dip Out Entirely?
So, everyone’s panicking, naturally. But some brave (read: possibly insane) souls are seeing this as a ‘buying opportunity’. Like, “oh, the world’s ending? Let’s buy more Bitcoin!” 🤪
CryptoQuant analyst BorisVest (another name that sounds made up) says if Bitcoin drops to between $65,000 and $71,000, it’s a ‘favorable buying opportunity’. Which, I suppose, is one way of looking at impending financial ruin. 🤷♀️
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2025-04-08 03:41