Right, so gather round, darlings, because America’s Department of Justice has just done a big dramatic hair-toss and decided to shut down the National Cryptocurrency Enforcement Team (NCET). Yes, the very same folks who once gallivanted about tackling crypto mixers and catching digital baddies. Now, they’ve been handed a one-way ticket to Splitsville. 🏃♀️💨
This whole shebang apparently springs from a certain someone’s (hint: hairdo with an unmistakable orange glow) grand plan to make the US a prime spot for digital coin frolicking. And who needs extra oversight when you can brand yourself the global crypto champion, right? 🙄
JUST IN: 🇺🇸 The U.S. Department of Justice scraps crypto unit as President Trump further loosens oversight of digital assets: Fortune.
— Whale Insider (@WhaleInsider) April 8, 2025
From Crackdowns to 🤔 Clarity? Let’s Find Out!
In a top-secret (ish) four-page memo, Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche—who, side note, moonlighted as Trump’s defense attorney during her 2024 criminal trial—declared the DOJ is “not a digital assets regulator.” Gasp! One can practically hear the dramatic background music. 🎵
Turns out ditching the NCET was just the DOJ’s way of saying they’re following Trump’s January executive order (translation: a lovely note that says “We really should tidy up our rules”). Fun fact: The NCET was born in 2021 under President Biden, but apparently it’s time to blow out the candles on that cupcake. 🧁
They did do some impressive stuff, though—like chasing after Tornado Cash (a crypto mixer that presumably did more than swirl your spare change), and that Avraham Eisenberg fellow who allegedly bagged over 100 million. Not your everyday piggy bank. They even went after sneaky North Korean actors. But now, it’s all: “Focus on individuals scamming investors,” leaving the lovably shady mixers to their own devices—for the time being.
The Trump Doctrine: Because Why Not Let Crypto Rule?
This grand NCET breakup is all part of Trump’s plan to put America on the crypto catwalk. He’s been cozying up to Bitcoin big shots, signed some official thingy in March about a strategic Bitcoin reserve, and basically declared he wants the US to be “the Bitcoin superpower of the world.” Move over, Krypton. 🦸♂️
While you might think this means everyone’s free to don a cape and start their own crypto venture, the government hasn’t exactly gone on vacation. The DOJ recently seized a tidy sum of $201,400 in digital coins tied to Hamas—no jokes there. Allegedly those intriguing funds were laundered by some cunning addresses that racked up $1.5 million since last October. So, basically, if your crypto scheme involves something more dramatic than an Excel spreadsheet, the feds might still be on your trail. 🕵️♂️
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2025-04-08 17:29