Billionaire Ex-Binance Boss Spills Tea on Prison Drama and Juicy WSJ Conspiracy ๐Ÿต๐Ÿ’…

Weight: 60 billion dollars (approx., not counting prison meals)

Cigarettes smoked: 0
Alcohol units: 0 (v.g.)
Prison stories shared: several (could do better)

๐Ÿ“ฑ 12:00 pm – Ugh! WSJ at it again with their silly little “sources.” Darlings, if you’re going to write fiction, at least make it entertaining! They’re claiming I’m going all snitch-mode on Justin Sun. As if! ๐Ÿ™„

๐Ÿ“ฑ 12:15 pm – Must remember: prison fashion was absolutely dreadful. Orange is definitely NOT the new black. Also, if I were actually cooperating with gov (which obvs not), would have worn Gucci, not prison jumpsuit.

v. v. annoyed with WSJ. They seem to have forgotten basic math: cooperation = no prison. Me = did prison time. Therefore, obvious conclusion: no cooperation. Even Bridget Jones could work that out! ๐Ÿค”

Number of billions still in bank account: 60 (quite good)
Number of people allegedly paying WSJ to write mean things: several (v. bad)

Justin Sun (dear sweet boy, bless him) being absolutely adorable, calling me mentor and friend. Though must remember to tell him that crypto-guru-chic look is so 2021. ๐Ÿ’โ€โ™‚๏ธ

Note to self: Some people apparently “lobbying” against us in US. Again. V. tiresome. Must remember to send them all virtual hugs and maybe some crypto etiquette books. ๐Ÿ“š

Later: Discovered am wealthiest person to do prison time in US. Not sure whether to put on CV or not. Would look quite impressive at dinner parties though. ๐Ÿค” Must consult PR team.

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2025-04-13 17:25