Bitdeer, the sort of outfit whose business card probably reads “Mining Bitcoin, Dodging Tariffs, All Before Breakfast,” has decided—after a long, thoughtful squint at Donald Trump’s trade policies—to roll up its sleeves and manufacture cryptocurrency mining equipment right in the Land of the Free.
Tariffs, Tweed Jackets, and Mining—Bitdeer Plots Its American Makeover
Imagine, if you will, Bitdeer’s brain trust gathered round the board table, gazing mournfully at the Trump administration’s tariffs like a wet Sunday in Bognor Regis. Instead of grumbling into their teacups, these plucky souls have hatched a jolly two-part plan: one, embrace self-mining with all the enthusiasm of a dachsund let loose in a butcher shop, and two, start churning out machinery on their own fair shores.
“Our plan going forward is to prioritize our own self-mining,” chirped Jeff LaBerge (who, one suspects, never misses his morning kippers). In English, this means Bitdeer plans to mint its own bitcoin with its homegrown gadgets, rather than relying on the usual suspects from China and Southeast Asia. (Frankly, most ASIC bitcoin miners these days seem to have more stamps in their passports than a Riviera playboy.) Meanwhile, chaps like Microbt and Bitmain have begun spreading their wings in the US, presumably in search of a good diner and tax breaks.
Not to be bested, local upstart Auradine is already knocking out proprietary bitcoin miners on home turf, probably with much gloating and ticker tape. In a nod to Bloomberg, LaBerge revealed Bitdeer’s grand plans for American manufacturing are scheduled to kick off in late 2025—just in time, one imagines, for another election and several more rounds of tariff-induced indigestion. “This is something we’ve been planning for a long time,” LaBerge intoned, sounding for all the world like a man who once lost a game of Risk in his youth and has never quite recovered. “We want to bring jobs and manufacturing back to America.” Stirring stuff.
There’s only one fly in the ointment: no one seems entirely certain how the tariff tangle will eventually shake out. “The entire industry is trying to get clarity on how these tariffs might apply,” LaBerge lamented, much in the manner of a man who’s just discovered someone’s borrowed his umbrella and forgot to bring it back. Still, Bitdeer marches on, buoyed by its recent SEAL03 wafer tests—delivering an energy efficiency rating that has engineers swooning and accountants trying not to faint (9.7 joules per terahash, for those of you scoring at home). Hoist a cup of tea, dear reader—bitcoin mining, it seems, has gone delightfully stateside. 🥳🔨
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2025-04-16 03:27