Ripple CEO Drops XRP Reports: You Won’t Believe What Happens Next! 🧐💸

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Ripple’s Brad Garlinghouse, the only man brave enough to wear both a suit and an expression of perpetual optimism, has declared the quarterly XRP reports as a relic of the past—banished, with all the ceremony of a Victorian waistcoat at a pool party. 📉🎩

Not to worry, dear investors and curious bystanders; Ripple’s XRP stash will still peek out over the digital parapet on their website, like a shy heiress at a debutante ball—visible, yet mysteriously out of reach.

Now, if you crave tidings of Ripple and their mountainous XRP, you must turn your ear to the clamor of blog posts and tweets—where news will arrive piecemeal and dramatic, much like scandalous gossip wafting through the salons of Mayfair. Imagine fewer spreadsheets, more hashtags. #TransparencyButMakeItFun 🤳

Once upon a time, back in 2017—a year remembered fondly by those who still believed in fidget spinners—Ripple published these reports in the name of “transparency.” Little did they know, such transparency would be seized upon by the U.S. SEC, who wielded it with the enthusiasm of a governess catching one at the gin.

As Brad mused, “We only wanted to show our honest face, but alas, honesty was weaponized”—the perpetual plight for those who reveal their hand at poker night in the regulatory saloon.

For those counting tokens instead of sheep: Ripple’s swan-song report disclosed a dainty sum of nearly 45.86 billion XRP, enough to make even Croesus blush, all held or locked up tighter than a secret in Oscar Wilde’s diary. At today’s prices, that’s nearly $99 billion, which puts their commitment to transparency somewhere between heroic and “please don’t ask how we counted them all.”

So, fear not; the reports are gone, but the spirit of transparency lingers—much like a lingering aftertaste of absinthe at a Wilde supper party. Cheers to the new era: fewer footnotes, more flair! 💁‍♂️🍸

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2025-05-06 08:49