You Won’t Believe How High CZ Thinks Bitcoin Will Go (Hint: Bring Oxygen Mask)

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If there was ever a night to spill red wine on your only white dress, it would doubtless be the night Changpeng “CZ” Zhao swaggered into Abu Dhabi, fresh from four months in US federal housing (the souvenir orange jumpsuit sadly unconfirmed), and declared—in the full glare of two hours of podcasting—that Bitcoin could soon be worth as much as a mid-range Picasso. Or, in CZ parlance: “Somewhere between five hundred thousand and a million dollars.” Yes, you read that right. One. Million. Per. Coin. Because clearly, we all needed another reason to feel bad about the pizza thing. 🍕💸

Chatting with Farokh Sarmad for Faroq Radio (presumably somewhere with air conditioning and reliable WiFi), the once-and-possibly-future Binance overlord was all optimism. CZ credits Bitcoin’s latest Gilded Age to three forces: spot ETFs (actual adults in suits are buying now, not just your cousin on Robinhood); governments doing an about-face on crypto regulations (Trump back at the helm and Washington is suddenly more bullish on Bitcoin than your uncle after his third whiskey); and, inevitably, the cathartic mess left behind by FTX and its band of merry fraudsters.

The Million-Dollar Bitcoin—Seriously?

According to CZ, it’s all been a bit of a glow-up for the world’s OG cryptocurrency. Thanks to the shiny new ETFs, pension funds and endowments can now roll up to the Bitcoin buffet like they belong there. “Bitcoin isn’t just a trade anymore,” said CZ, “it’s a treasury allocation.” Because what institution doesn’t love a nice, regulated compliance tick-box to distract from their own market FOMO?

Then comes the geopolitical plot twist: Trump, back for a sequel (presidential hair still infamous), has apparently made the U.S. government go from crypto’s mean stepmother to fairy godmother in roughly 100 days—a move so dramatic that even CZ sounded like he needed to sit down with a biscuit. Foreign governments, clearly feeling left out, are now scrambling to hoard coins as if they’re rare Beanie Babies circa 1997. “I slightly wish the little guys bought first,” shrugged CZ, “but you had fifteen years, so…” Insert smallest violin here. 🎻

And let’s not forget: FTX’s demise and the parade of meme-coin drama have only cemented Bitcoin’s rep as the only one left at the party who hasn’t thrown up on the rug. “Anything that involves fraud is done. Bitcoin has none of that nonsense,” CZ claimed, barely suppressing a grin, as if memecoins were just fun-sized chaos for the financially reckless.

As for whether Bitcoin’s move into the institutional big leagues is, you know, selling out Satoshi’s vision: even CZ acknowledges it’s awkward, a bit like inviting your parents to Glastonbury. “In a decentralised world, we don’t control what others do,” he said, with the air of a man who’s watched too many tech bros become senators. Still, he insists, Bitcoin can soak up all manner of misfits and keep ticking.

For now, Bitcoin hovers at a brisk $94,373—still a tad shy of a million, but hey, at least you can pretend your wallet is almost as outrageous as CZ’s predictions. 🚀

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2025-05-06 18:02