If the US Securities and Exchange Commission were a Discworld institution, it would probably live in a windowless building, staffed by people who drink their tea with a worried expression and keep a handy fire extinguisher next to their regulatory frameworks. Enter Commissioner Caroline Crenshaw: a woman whose skepticism of crypto is matched only by her talent for disapproving statements that leave scorch marks on legal documents.
Recently, the long, meandering, epically footnoted Ripple saga found what some called an “ending” (the sort of “ending” that usually turns out to be the penultimate chapter). Ripple and the SEC handed New York’s finest court a letter so jointly written it might have worked better as a marriage certificate, proposing that $75 million of Ripple’s money come out of regulatory timeout and go back to its crypto parents, as per a May 8 SEC missive.
Commissioner Crenshaw, watching the settlement parade, grabbed her megaphone (or maybe a very sharp quill) and declared the deal would hobble the SEC’s ability to suitably terrify blockchain entrepreneurs and—possibly worse—diminish the court’s aura of grave importance. Emojis were not present, but sarcasm fairly dripped from her words.
“This settlement, alongside the surgical amputation of the SEC’s crypto enforcement program, does a tremendous disservice to investors, who are forced to pretend they understand what they’ve invested in,” she grumbled. “It also makes the court’s judging look as meaningful as a street magician’s coin toss.” Or something to that effect.
According to Crenshaw, the settlement letter will be joining a rapidly expanding folder marked “Oops, Ignore Previous Threats”—a collection of legal backtracks that would leave any self-respecting barrister sobbing into their wig.
Apparently, ever since the Trump administration, the SEC has been practicing “regulatory Pilates”—stretching, twisting, and occasionally reaching so far back that only the most flexible lawyers can still keep up. In this atmosphere, enforcement actions against crypto companies are being dismissed at a rate that suggests the SEC’s document shredder is on performance-enhancing substances. 💸
Crenshaw suspects that, should Judge Torres accept this settlement, it would wipe away the small, hard-earned patches of investor protection and leave behind a “regulatory vacuum.” Though on Discworld, that probably means a literal vacuum sucking up paperwork—and, judging by the state of things, this one is running on turbo mode.
“The settlement,” Crenshaw thundered, “is about as helpful to investors as an umbrella made of mist. It provokes questions like: what happened to the answers we had? Where did they all go? Are they being held for ransom by blockchain gnomes?”
Let’s not forget, last August a judge ordered Ripple to cough up $125 million in penalties after realizing their shiny XRP tokens were, in fact, a bit too much like securities—at least when being sold to the sorts of institutional investors who keep their money in vaults rather than under mattresses.
What’s Next? The Saga Continues (and Continues…)
Hold on to your wizard hats: not even the SEC and Ripple’s solemn handshake means this case is over. Ex-federal prosecutor James Filan (who probably eats regulatory ambiguity for breakfast) offered his own ancient prophecy on X (formerly known as “Twitter, where argument goes to live forever”): Judge Torres must first give her magical “indicative ruling”—essentially, a judicial wink, nudge, or shrug in the direction of the settlement letter.
If the Judge is feeling generous (or just eager to clear her docket), then the SEC and Ripple will humbly request the Second Circuit Court of Appeals to “remand” things—legal speak for “let’s take this party back to Judge Torres, who will no doubt be thrilled.” Only after the money is set free and injunctions are put out to pasture will the courts begin dismissing appeals like an overworked wizard swatting away gnats.
As you might recall, the SEC first levelled its mighty regulatory hammer at Ripple Labs back in 2020, accusing them of selling XRP as an unregistered security. The plot thickened, the complaints multiplied, lawyers multiplied even faster, and now—four years later—here we are, possibly, nearly, finally, almost… done?
One thing’s certain: wherever there are regulatory vacuums and settlements, someone, somewhere is already preparing the next lawsuit. 🧙♂️💼
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2025-05-09 04:20