This Coin Will Make You Rich—Or Just Buy Dinner With Trump?

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Behold, dear friends, a spectacle most novel: the Trump coin, that famous bauble of speculation, returns to the stage! The noble top 220, a veritable council of coin-clutchers, now await—a-tremble!—the chance to sup with His Orangeness, that exiled monarch of Mar-a-Lago. 🍽️

Born mere days ere Trump’s January coronation (pardon, inauguration), this Solana token did strut upon the crypto boards, leaping from pauper’s purse to princely heights of $75, before succumbing—as all bubbles must—to the slings and arrows of the market, now languishing at a sorry $12.32.

Yet lo! The siren call of exclusive delights—a gala for the chosen, and a private revel worthy of Versailles on May 22—draws simpering hope and sharpened knives alike. Ah, the shimmering promise of a handshake with history, a selfie with celebrity, perhaps even a crumb from the royal buffet! 🦐

Per GetTrumpMemes.com, that temple of modern ambition, the chosen 220 are selected by “time-weighted” measure—a system surely devised by a committee of mathematicians, lawyers, and jesters. (Somewhere, a peasant’s wallet weeps.)

And who leads this illustrious parade? None but HTX of Seychelles fame, a haunt of advisor Justin Sun, with $18 million in tribute. The sum total of these elect, lo, $160 million! Meanwhile, the total market cap, a king’s ransom of $2.74 billion, mostly rests in the padded vaults of the Trump family. Let it not be said Don and kin play for pittances; over $320 million in fees have thus filled their goblets. 🍷

Enter, Sire, Another Coin?

But hush—a fresh rumor makes its entrance with all the subtlety of a trumpet at midnight! May 12’s whispers say: Truth Social—Trump Media’s own palace intrigue—may birth another meme coin, a dubious sibling to the One True Trump Token.

Recall, O audience, the coin-tastic births of TRUMP and the illustrious MELANIA, introduced in January with much fanfare, only to descend thereafter with all the grace of Icarus whiffing at the sun.

Trump’s Organization claims, most piously, that his treasures are guarded in trust by the royal offspring. Yet the critics wield their cudgels: “Ethical concerns!” cry they, as Senator Murphy decries this saga as “the single most corrupt act ever committed by a president”—which, in the current repertoire of presidential antics, is no mean feat. Foreign donors, the senator claims, may buy the king’s favor with but a click and a coin.

Numbers, those heartless commentators, tell this tale: the mighty whales, those lords of liquidity, have raked in $1.5 billion—$48 million since the banquet’s call. But 600,000 poor merchants of hope? A collective loss of $3.87 billion! Dear folk, it seems that, in this farce, the jesters lose their coins while the castle feasts. 🎭

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2025-05-12 23:47