Robinhood Just Bought Canadian Crypto – You Won’t Believe What Happens Next! 🤯

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On a Tuesday so dull you could hear a creditor cough in the wind, Robinhood, that perennial tinkerer with the fate of small fortunes, announced the acquisition of Canada’s own crypto darling, WonderFi. If numbers are your poison, there’s C$250 million (US$178 million) in cash on the table. Not a single Bitcoin—just crisp, classic cheddar. 🧀

With this move, Robinhood isn’t merely picking up a company; it’s inheriting over C$2.1 billion stuffed in the digital mattresses of the north. Picture Canadians huddled in snowdrifts, watching their assets accrue under Robinhood’s distant eye, praying the Wi-Fi holds out in winter.

WonderFi—whose name resembles the hopeful sigh of a gambler who’s just lost his boots—runs Bitbuy and Coinsquare, the most proper crypto houses Canada offers (in that “may still be occasionally on fire” way). They’ll carry on, now as pets of Robinhood Crypto, content in their regulated Canadian paddock.

Shareholders of WonderFi, whose cups have not precisely runneth over, find themselves offered C$0.36 per common share—a 41% premium over the stock’s previous closing price. The kind of leap that would’ve made even Tolstoy smirk and ask for a recount. 71% over the thirty-day average, in case anyone’s still counting their pennies by candlelight.

The paperwork, red tape, and ritual blessing by the Sovereign Order of Bureaucrats is expected to finish sometime in the back half of 2025—assuming no one’s horse-drawn carriage throws a wheel.

Changes in leadership

When the signature ink has dried, WonderFi’s own marquee, Dean Skurka, will don the ceremonial cap and join Robinhood Crypto, a band of financiers as cheerful and sleep-deprived as any. He and his cadre will shepherd the local flock, merging with Robinhood’s Canadian office, which boasts the sizable population of a small fishing village (140 souls, none of them named Ivan… so far).

“WonderFi is a mighty family of brands, catering to rookies and crypto connoisseurs,” declared Johann Kerbrat, Robinhood Crypto’s general, as if preparing for winter in St. Petersburg and not a shareholder Zoom call. One imagines him peering through blizzards of quarterly reports, dreaming of maple syrup and regulatory clarity.

Robinhood has of late been collecting crypto platforms as if assembling a matryoshka doll of ambition—they snapped up Bitstamp for $200 million in 2024. Now, with WonderFi tucked under its cloak, Robinhood fancies itself the new czar of Canadian retail investors. Staking! Custody! Trading! Only happiness is not included.

WonderFi claims 1.6 million users across its territory, reporting a sprawling C$3.57 billion in trading volume for 2024, riding a 28% growth wave. The company itself emerged publicly via a “reverse takeover” (which, for the uninitiated, is a special Canadian ballet of paperwork and missed lunches), growing into a formidable crypto presence while the rest of the world was busy losing passwords.

Robinhood, rather than beg or borrow, will simply fish the purchase funds from pocket change—cash on hand. Past the velvet curtain, J.P. Morgan serenaded Robinhood as its exclusive financial advisor, while WonderFi enjoyed a full brass band of FT Partners and every other legal and financial mind within moose-hunting distance.

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2025-05-13 18:04