Crypto, Politics, and Trump: A Family’s Financial Revolution!

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Ah, the Trump family. Always the masters of turning lemons into gold—just with a dash of chaos, a pinch of scandal, and, of course, a whole lot of Bitcoin.

In a conversation that might as well have been scripted for a Netflix documentary, Donald J. Trump Jr., son of the United States President, opened up to CNBC. The Trumps, he says, did not jump into crypto like your average millennial who watches TikToks in between avocado toast bites. No, they were “debanked,” ladies and gentlemen. No more calls returned by New York City bankers, no loans for real estate, and no more brunches with the 1%.

“We got into crypto and we’re all in because we had no choice,” said Trump Jr. “There was a time when I could call any banker in New York City, they’d pick up the phone and voila! A loan for whatever real estate project I fancied. I could practically do it while eating my morning bagel.”

“Then came politics, and poof! All of a sudden, not even a voicemail would be returned. No financing. We were debanked. And then it hit us. My brother and I were the ones at the top of a pyramid scheme we didn’t even know existed!”

Now, in the face of what they see as political persecution (because of course, everyone loves a good underdog story), the Trump clan turned to crypto. Yes, that’s right, the same decentralized platforms you’ve been hearing about while scrolling through Instagram. The Trumps weren’t just dabbling in Bitcoin for fun. No, they needed it to survive the financial apocalypse that was New York’s elite bankers refusing to return their calls. Oh, the humanity.

“The regular guy was screwed. And suddenly, we were the regular guy. We were now on the receiving end of the same mess. So, what did we do? We said, ‘What’s the solution to this mess?’ The answer, of course, was crypto. We got into it not because it was the cool kid in town, but because we saw how quickly we could be *turned off*.”

Now, instead of paying through the nose for title insurance (which, let’s face it, is like paying to breathe air), they’re using blockchain to streamline everything. It’s not just about the next “cool thing.” It’s about survival. The survival of the Trumps. Because in a world where banks can decide who’s in and who’s out, crypto is the new castle—and they’re all in.

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2025-06-03 23:02