So, picture this: it’s Thursday, you’re probably late for something, and instead of a hot cup of existential dread, Coinbase decides to make an announcement at their much-hyped 2025 State of Crypto Summit. Yes, they have a summit, darling. Of course they do.
Because Who Isn’t Ready for Another Subscription?
The Coinbase One Card is strutting onto the scene—but only if you’ve joined Coinbase One. Oh, you don’t have Coinbase One? Well, that’s fine, you can… just go and subscribe like everyone else dying for ‘zero trading fees’, ‘priority customer support’, and ‘enhanced staking rewards’ (whatever that means, but it sounds like your lunch break just got fancier).
Here’s the bait: cardholders can collect up to 4% back in Bitcoin every time they swipe. Yes, 4%. That’s right, your coffee addiction could finally move those Satoshis out of digital purgatory. ☕️💸
But wait, there’s a catch. The cashback depends on how much digital bling you’ve hoarded in your Coinbase account. Translation: rich crypto kids get more, shocker.
Oh Look, American Express Got Involved
The card swans about on the American Express network, which means you can pretty much use it anywhere you like, globally. Taxis, tacos, tears at IKEA—go wild. According to Coinbase’s very excitable website, things go live Fall 2025. 🍂💳
They’re calling this a ‘bridge’ between digital assets and your slightly tragic everyday spending habits. “Boosting user engagement,” they say. “Tying rewards to platform loyalty,” they say. Translated: they really want you to stay on the platform (and maybe never leave your house again).
Crypto-to-consumer payments is apparently the thing all the cool fintech kids are doing. Coinbase’s new card is basically speed-dating with your finances—Web3 meets real life, minus the awkward small talk, but probably with the same risk of heartbreak. 🥲
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2025-06-13 06:54