XRP’s Mind-Boggling Moonshot: Bored Investors Suddenly Richer Than at Eton

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Not since an Englishman last tried to build a railway in Bolivia has there been such reckless optimism as observed during XRP’s recent 300% surge. Investors – those hardy souls complete with monocles and nervous dispositions – now find themselves wallowing in profit (and, one presumes, a certain number of bad decisions post-lunch). 😏💸

Data Behaves Scandalously as XRP Throws a Fancy Fête for Early Birds

Enter Glassnode, a blockchain analytics firm with a name reminiscent of an experimental soufflé, bravely declaring the unthinkable: XRP returns have soared so preposterously since November 2024 that old money and crypto punters alike are pondering the merits of that never-to-be-redeemed yacht purchase. The price has ambled above $2, exceeding its previous value more than threefold, presumably faster than one can ask “Is this taxable?”

Glassnode reports with the giddy enthusiasm of a Regency debutante: “XRP is trading above $2, more than 3x higher than its base price before the sharp rally in November 2024. Investors who accumulated earlier are sitting on over 300% gains.” One can only imagine the relief amongst those who’d previously contemplated selling for a sensible loaf of bread.

Further, Glassnode divulges that, come early June, the more enterprising among holders began realizing profits at $68.8 million per day, a figure one imagines would cause even the dullest City banker to choke on his G&T. Distribution, they call it, though some describe it as “finally being able to tell your in-laws ‘I told you so’.”

The analytics brigade, of course, supplied an exuberant chart—presumably for those who prefer their schadenfreude in infographic form:

Meanwhile, the wider market – an odd assortment of visionaries, speculators and formidable aunts – watches with mounting incredulity. XRP’s dominance in cross-border payments, not to mention the recently discovered taste for “regulatory clarity,” is heralded as both sign and portend. Add a dash of courtroom drama, with Ripple Labs and the SEC engaged in a struggle so interminable that even Dickens might have skipped the serialization. The promise of settlement, however, tickles the fancy of many, while Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse – with the cheer of a man who has just spotted the last sausage at an Oxford breakfast – predicts XRP will capture 14% of SWIFT’s global payments within five years. One can only assume SWIFT is deeply thrilled by this prospect.🍾😎

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2025-06-21 04:38