Strive Retires Debt, Jumps to Bitcoin 10th: A Tale of Cluttered Ledgers and Cobalt Crypto

Strive, in a fit of fiscal housekeeping, has seen its legacy debts under the Semler Scientific transplant evaporate like morning mist, nestled 334 BTC within its chest, and now counts itself among the ten most stubborn corporate hodlers.

Strive Inc., an enterprise with the ambition of a hibernating bear, has achieved the remarkable feat of slouching through the underbrush of acquisition debts while quietly botching a Bitcoin hoarding spree. Yet the company insists this is mere coincidence.

They’ve settled debts, tickled preferred stock markets, and squirreled away Bitcoin with the vigor of a magpie in a vault. All this, they claim, to join an illustrious-yet suspiciously arbitrary-ten-man poker club of corporate hodlers.

Economic Surgery Post-Semler Acquisition

Of the $110 million in Semler debt now consigned to history, Strive declares it with the solemnity of a bereaved economist: “The burden is lifted.” One might wonder why it took until 2026 to shed a $110 million jacket of bricks.

The repayment, they admit, was funded by a “follow-on offering of SATA preferred stock” that oversubscribed with the enthusiasm of villagers at a bread distribution. Capitalists clamored to lavish their hard-earned monies upon SATA’s Variable Rate Series A Perpetual Preferred Stock-not because it made much sense, but because FOMO is a cruel god.

Some $90 million of Semler’s convertible bonds were swapped for SATA stock, a maneuver so elegantly devoid of cash outflow, one suspects the company holds tenure at Machiavelli University. The notes, they assure us, were buried with care, no financial ghosts to haunt the balance sheet.

Strive Announces Closing of Upsized & Oversubscribed Follow-On Offering of SATA Stock and Concurrent Exchange of Semler Notes

– Strive used partial proceeds to retire the Semler/Coinbase loan. A curt statement. One imagines a spreadsheet whispering its approval.

– Strive (@strive)

Additional $20 million to Coinbase, and voilà! Strive dabs at Bitcoin’s ledger with a clean handkerchief, now unencumbered by debt and possibly regret. The remaining $10 million note-a mere molehill-will vanish by 2026, they say with the optimism of a gambler who just won hand.

Stock Offerings and Financial Theology

The SATA Preferred Stock offering, priced at $90 per share (because $89 would have been vulgar), raised $225 million. A grand total, one suspects, achieved by drowning the market in an ocean of shares and hoping it forgets the exit cost.

Investor demand for these treasures eclipsed $600 million, causing Strive to expand its initial offering like a balloon at a party. They chose preferred equity, perhaps to avoid common shareholders the fury of dissent. Common shareholders, after all, have a habit of asking awkward questions.

CEO Matt Cole, a man of perpetual smiles and calculators, declared, “We are returning to a preferred equity-only structure,” as if choosing favorites at a feast were a moral imperative. He also noted that long-duration financing aligns with long-term Bitcoin, a match as logical as a rooster investing in hatching robots.

Read More: Strive’sObsessive $500M Bitcoin Tally-Or How to Lose Sleep in the Crypto Moss

Bitcoin Hoarding and Fiscal Crescendo

Matt Cole’s 333.9 Bitcoin procurement placed Strive at the tenth slot in corporate hodler rankings, now holding 13,131.82 BTC. A figure so large, one wonders if it qualifies for a separate corporate tax bracket.

The company claims to have retired 92% of Semler’s debt, leaving the final 8% to die naturally by April. Meanwhile, their “37% amplification ratio” (a term like ‘fiscal poetry’) and 21% Bitcoin yield in Q1 2026 are touted with the gravitas of a prophet.

STRIVE UPDATES- Acquired an additional 333.9 Bitcoin- Now the 10th largest corporate hodler- 92% of Semler debt retired w/ plans for 100% by April- 37% amplification ratio w/ 98% of amp from – 21% Bitcoin yield in 1Q26- Dashboard updated

– Matt Cole (@ColeMacro)

Strive now stands among the ten most “public” corporate Bitcoin possessors, a club only slightly less exclusive than the Doomsday Preppers’ Gold Exchange.

The company insists all Bitcoin is held directly, unburdened by liens-perhaps to avoid encounters with unwanted creditors. Holdings, as of January 28, 2026, remain as unexciting as a tax invoice.

CIO Ben Werkman, in a statement as dry as a poorly aged nose, noted that the offering exemplified “demand for digital credit products.” He also pointed out Strive’s Bitcoin treasury expansion took months, a pace suggesting investment was conducted by committee and overran a series of committee meetings.

2026-01-29 09:12