Alan Davies reflects on childhood abuse, dealing with anger and being diagnosed with cancer

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Crossing the International Date Line while traveling west makes it seem like you lose a day. While most people find this a strange quirk of geography, for Alan Davies, a 2023 trip from Los Angeles to Melbourne took on a deeper meaning. August 3rd effectively disappeared for him – it was the day his father, who had abused him as a child, passed away. Davies hadn’t seen his father in six years. He describes the experience as feeling disconnected from reality, as if he wasn’t even ‘on the planet’ when it happened.

In his powerful 2020 memoir, *Just Ignore Him*, Davies bravely shared the painful story of his upbringing in Essex. He described the devastation of losing his mother to leukemia at age six, followed two years later by disturbing nighttime visits from his father, who was an accountant. Davies eventually reported these incidents to the police, but his father was never charged due to his Alzheimer’s diagnosis.

Even after two years, Davies still has complicated feelings about his father. He’s explored the idea of forgiveness – reading about how it can be liberating and a virtuous path, even one that aligns with his faith. However, he acknowledges that forgiving his father is a difficult process, given the pain and mistreatment he experienced.

He caused a lot of pain, and I’m determined not to let that affect my children. It’s not so much about forgiving him as it is about moving on and letting go. I won’t be writing any more books about this.

Alan Davies’s first book, *My Favourite People and Me 1978-1988*, highlighted the 44 people who had the biggest impact on him during his childhood and later inspired his 2010 Channel 4 documentary series, *Teenage Revolution*. His most recent book, *White Male Stand-Up*, picks up his life story, detailing his path from a newcomer on the comedy scene in the 1990s to getting his first major acting role in *Jonathan Creek* in 1997, and ultimately becoming a regular panelist on *QI*.

Throughout his memoir, Davies explores his lifelong struggle with anger, which he attributes to unaddressed rage and suppressed trauma. This “angry boy” within him tends to emerge when he faces conflict or authority, and is often made worse by his past issues with alcohol and drugs. He recounts several instances, including physically assaulting a friend during an argument, being verbally and physically abusive towards his wife while traveling, and even attacking a stranger in front of his children, after which he hid from the police in a children’s play area.

It’s difficult to reconcile the kind, humorous man I see on video calls – he’s quiet and gentle, and lives in Hampstead, London – with the easily angered, immature side of myself. I’ve learned to understand and accept my weaknesses,” says Davies, who began therapy thirty years ago at the suggestion of his friend, Jo Brand.

After years of therapy, I finally told my therapist I hadn’t improved, and he responded by asking if I expected things to be different, considering everything I’d been through. It eventually dawned on me that our sessions weren’t about fixing me, but about learning to accept myself as I am.

The book also reveals that the author was diagnosed with cancer last year. After noticing blood in his urine, tests found a small tumor in his bladder. He had surgery in October to remove it, and thankfully, it was caught early enough that it hadn’t spread. However, he notes there’s a chance the cancer could return, so he’ll be closely monitored for the next five years.

“I feel incredibly fortunate it wasn’t worse,” he explained. “I only noticed a little blood, and if I hadn’t gone to the doctor because of it, the tumor would have continued to grow, potentially spreading through the bladder wall and throughout my body.”

I’ve experienced the loss of friends, including the comedian Sean Lock who sadly passed away from cancer. On the other hand, I’m grateful that some friends, like Mark Steel, are still with us. It really makes you realize how fragile life can be, doesn’t it?

Davies jokes that the best thing about the next decade would be simply being alive and having his children thriving. He also says he genuinely enjoys his work as an actor.

He was asked about shows like Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins, which is known for giving contestants a chance to work through their emotions in a challenging environment. He said he’s never been approached and doesn’t think he’s physically fit enough anymore. He pointed to Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen needing medical attention on a physically intense show, questioning the demands placed on older participants. “He’s in his 60s!” he added.

Davies is turning 60 next March, but right now he’s focused on his stand-up tour this fall – his first in ten years. He plans to share some personal stories about a difficult childhood for the first time. He feels good about the tour, but he’s unsure how his new book will be received. He compares releasing the book to launching a boat – you never know if it will succeed or fail. Hopefully, it will be a resounding success!

  • White Male Stand-Up by Alan Davies is published by Monoray and is available to purchase now

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2025-09-23 03:21