Anaconda Review: This Anaconda? Don’t Want None

by

I really enjoy stories that are self-aware – those that comment on their own creation. When done well, this approach is clever and offers a fascinating look at the creative process. Whether it’s a novel about writing or a film about filmmaking, I appreciate both the insightful observations and the playful humor about the challenges involved.

Anaconda (2025)

Okay, so I’m really excited about this one! It’s hitting theaters on December 25th, 2025, and it’s directed and co-written by Tom Gormican, with a little help from Kevin Etten. The cast is fantastic – Paul Rudd, Jack Black, Steve Zahn, Thandiwe Newton, Selton Mello, and Daniela Melchior are all in it! It’s rated PG-13, so expect some action, a bit of strong language, and maybe some mature themes. It’s about 99 minutes long, which feels like a good length for a fun movie night.

Given my tastes, director Tom Gormican’s Anaconda seemed like a good match. Honestly, the world doesn’t need another sequel to the 1997 film with Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Owen Wilson, and Jon Voight, but if one is made, why not lean into how ridiculous the idea is? With comedic stars Paul Rudd and Jack Black leading the cast, it had the potential to be great. Unfortunately, the movie falls far short of that potential, becoming a confusing mix that fails both as a clever commentary and as a genuinely entertaining blend of comedy and horror.

The film tries to capture the humor and behind-the-scenes chaos of movies like Tropic Thunder and Bowfinger, but ultimately falls short. It doesn’t offer any meaningful commentary on filmmaking, and the potential for both comedy and drama is weakened by a lack of compelling conflict or genuine risk.

From the creators of the comedy The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent comes Anaconda, a new film starring Paul Rudd and Jack Black as Griff and Doug, two childhood friends facing midlife disappointments. Griff, an actor in Los Angeles, is struggling to find work, while Doug, a wedding videographer in Buffalo, New York, feels unfulfilled creatively. Both are stuck in dead-end careers until Griff announces he’s secured the rights to remake Anaconda, a movie they both loved as kids, inspiring them to create a sequel.

So, my friends and I – Griff, Claire, and Kenny – decided to make a movie in the Amazon. Claire was going to co-star, and Kenny was our cinematographer. We were working with practically no money, but things started off pretty smoothly. Then, problems just kept piling up. First, a run-in caused us to lose our snake actor! Then, we somehow got mixed up in some illegal gold mining going on locally. And finally, to top it all off, we started being hunted by a massive, terrifying serpent in the jungle. It was a disaster, honestly!

Anaconda simply tries to do too much, and it doesn’t do anything particularly well.

I consider myself a true movie lover – I always give a film the benefit of the doubt and watch it all the way through, hoping it will grab me. But Anaconda started giving me bad vibes right from the beginning. It opens in the Amazon with this woman, Ana, played by Daniela Melchoir, who seems to be in some kind of trouble, being chased by armed men. Then, a giant snake attacks them. Honestly, it felt like the start of a comedy, but there wasn’t a single laugh to be found. It was so confusing and mysterious that it didn’t really draw me in. Plus, the action scenes with the snake were too quick, dark, and obviously fake-looking to be scary. From the very beginning, I couldn’t figure out what kind of movie it was trying to be, and that feeling stuck with me throughout.

The movie Anaconda has an interesting core idea – two friends attempting to rebuild their bond and pursue their filmmaking ambitions. However, the film gets bogged down in constantly throwing obstacles at the characters, preventing any real comedic or dramatic payoff. It feels like the movie was made up as it went along, making moments like Doug’s explanation of how Hollywood doesn’t usually shoot with finished scripts more irritating than funny.

The PG-13 rating hampers Anaconda in multiple ways

The movie’s biggest weakness is its disjointed structure, and it feels like it could have been much better with an R-rating instead of PG-13. It’s unclear whether this decision was made to match the original 1997 film’s rating or to appeal to a wider, family-friendly audience thanks to Jack Black, but either way, it holds the movie back. Horror comedies thrive on pushing boundaries, but this film feels surprisingly mild. It’s remarkable that none of the snake-related scenes generate any real excitement, whether through scares or humor, and that’s largely because the special effects are simply poor.

One senses a lot of fun was had making Anaconda, but that fun doesn’t translate to the screen.

It’s clear the actors had a lot of fun making this movie – you can often see Paul Rudd and Jack Black struggling not to laugh at each other’s improvised lines, and it almost makes you wish you were there with them! While the movie starts with a promising idea, it doesn’t really follow through, constantly changing direction instead of fully exploring any of its potentially interesting concepts. It’s surprisingly disappointing, considering the movie wasn’t highly anticipated, but it still leaves you wanting more.

Read More

2025-12-27 22:11