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Instead of individually interrogating each and every crypto project, the SEC has decided to roll out the red carpet for a buffet of new crypto ETPs—you know, those fancy investment vehicles that sound like robots with a British accent. Trusting investors to tell their tokens apart just got easier, as long as your favorite digital coin is as punctual as your Monday morning alarm. The plan? A tidy, uniform set of rules—because nothing says fun like standardized chaos for Bitcoin (BTC), Ethereum (ETH), Solana (SOL), XRP, and a host of others who are probably just waiting by the phone. 📞💰

In a report as urgent as a wartime telegram, Cornerstone revealed that the twin specters of artificial intelligence and cryptocurrency have become the top complaints in the first half of 2025. With 12 AI-related filings and 6 crypto-related ones, they nuzzle close to last year’s total. And yet, amid this digital uproar, the overall number of securities class actions—those claims of loss by aggrieved shareholders—remains as steady as an old oak, with a mere 114 new suits this year compared to 115 in the latter half of 2024. 🤑

On the fateful day of July 29, the Department of Justice, led by the discerning Chief U.S. District Judge Richard Seeborg, delivered the verdict. Following a five‑week spectacle of courtroom theatrics, Andrade—aged 47—was found guilty of orchestrating an elaborate fraud. His purportedly revolutionary digital currency, which had promised to reshape the financial landscape, turned out to be nothing more than an intricate façade. With an additional three years of supervised release looming and restitution hearings set for September 16, his tale of hubris and downfall continues to unfold. 😏

The remaining duo, BIO and RSC, dive into this DeSci nonsense—crypto’s awkward flirtation with science. BIO wants to throw money at research like a eccentric billionaire at a party, while RSC aims to turn us all into armchair scientists. Both start trading tomorrow, probably with the same fanfare as a bad magic trick. 🔮🤦‍♂️

This crypto-conversion was officially announced in July 2025, with all digital assets safely tucked away in a regulated, institutional-grade custodian. Rest assured, they’re playing by the rules—Turkish and international laws alike. No shady business here, just a healthy dose of financial innovation. 📜⚖️

Meanwhile, as if SUI needed a dose of humility, our orange friend was down 4% in the last 24 hours, says CoinMarketCap. Frankly, the whole crypto market had a collective yawn after a short-lived party earlier this week.

According to the ever-reliable CryptoQuant’s Crypto Dan, Bitcoin is in the midst of a cooling-off period following a brief yet passionate overheating episode. The clues are written in the charts, with the most telling sign coming from the cohort of BTC that’s been in hibernation for just one week. A period of rest after a heated affair – sounds familiar, right?

The proposed rule changes aim to eliminate the need for case-by-case approvals, a process that can drag on for up to 240 days, which is about as long as it takes to read “War and Peace” three times over. ETF analyst Nate Geraci, a veritable sage in these matters, highlighted the filings in a post on X (formerly Twitter) on July 30, noting that qualifying funds would no longer need individual approvals, potentially accelerating investors’ access to crypto ETFs. A true revolution, I tell you!

In the hallowed chambers of Congress, Senator Cynthia Lummis emerged with the BITCOIN Act—a legislative effort to formalize the reserve process and underscore the nation’s commitment to digital asset innovation. Alas, like a protagonist facing insurmountable odds in a Tolstoyan tale, the bill languished in the labyrinthine corridors of Capitol Hill, awaiting its moment of triumph. 😒