pricpr

The latest “announcement” (released on August 17th, because why not?) highlights the company’s growing dominance over digital assets. At a price of $4,326 a token, BitMine now holds 1,523,373 Ethereum and 192 Bitcoin. Talk about being on top of the crypto food chain! Not to mention, they’re the world’s largest Ethereum treasury, right behind Strategy Inc., which – let’s be honest – is probably watching this from a very nervous corner.

Now, their hoard swells to 629,376 BTC, a treasure trodden not by dragons but by algorithms. $46.15 billion, they’ve spent, averaging $73,320 per coin. A gamble? Perhaps. But in Saylor’s lexicon, this is not folly-it is faith. “BTC Yield of 25.1% YTD 2025,” he proclaims on X, his voice a beacon in the digital tempest. 📈✨

According to Lookonchain, BitMine bought 106,485 ETH ($470.51 million) on August 15, just as Ethereum was plummeting from its 2025 high of $4,500. Meanwhile, WLFI-Donald Trump’s financial arm-snagged 1,911 ETH ($8.6 million) during the same period. BitMine now holds 1.3 million ETH ($5.75 billion), which is enough to buy the entire supply of sarcasm on the internet… twice.

Late on a Sunday-because those are the magic hours for blockchain miracles-a block that no normal human would notice managed to rack up 43,016 successful deals, and, just for the thrill, 50 spectacular failures. This spectacle pushed the peak TPS to dizzying heights of 107,540, as shared by Mert Mumtaz, an oracle of sorts, or perhaps just a very enthusiastic data guy. Can you imagine the celebration? Probably not, but we’ll pretend they threw a party. 🎉📉

In a masterclass of audacity, Jeffery-age 34, charmingly naive-fabricated over 7,000 false unemployment claims, all woven into the fabric of his once-thriving, now-defunct “Down N Dirty Transportation.” Yes, he named his business something that screams “I dare you to fact-check me.” Pretending these claims were legit, he created a virtual empire of lies using stolen personal info-because what’s better than identity theft? Doing it on the government’s dime, apparently.

Well sir, the hooraw over whether Washington oughta stack sats like a Mississippi steamboat stacks poker chips just hit fever pitch. Ol’ Trump’s quill scratched out an executive order so fast the parchment caught fire. Word around the spittoon is this “Strategic Bitcoin Reserve” hogwash might get nailed down by the time 2025 shuffles off the calendar.

Since its dramatic dip to $88, OKB has been tiptoeing within a painfully thin margin. As of this moment, it’s waltzing at $114, though it did stumble with a 6.28% decline over the past day. How terribly gauche, darling.