Berkshire’s Next CEO vs. Bitcoin: Will Warren Buffett’s Heir Trigger a Crypto Earthquake?

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All the World Waits: Greg Abel, the would-be czar of Berkshire Hathaway, approaches the throne. Will his hand, when placed firmly on the corporate scepter, tremble at the sight of Bitcoin, or will he banish it from the royal treasury as so much digital fool’s gold? 🧐💸

Warren Buffett, grey as a Russian winter and twice as stubborn, has made no secret of his distaste for Bitcoin. “No intrinsic value,” he intones, like a count surveying serfs and shaking his head at their wooden ploughs. But hope springs eternal in the hearts of the speculating masses! Some believe Abel, enigmatic as any Tolstoyan prince, might gaze favorably upon the shining coin, though to this point, the only digital asset he’s acknowledged is probably a particularly nice email signature.

The Winds of Change (or Mere Draft?)

The Oracle of Omaha, perhaps simply weary of counting zeros, has nominated Greg Abel—the man with the firm handshake and perfectly neutral opinions—to inherit his empire of insurance, trains, and Coca-Cola stock.

With this succession comes chatter—less like the hoofbeats of Cossacks, more like whispers behind the samovar. Will the new chief steer the House of Berkshire down the rabbit-hole of crypto? Or will he, like a faithful steward, keep the stables free of anything so… intangible?

Some voices suggest Abel might surprise us—a flash of gold (or should that be code?) amid the grey. As of yet, Abel’s silence is deafening, rivaled only by the sound of analysts refreshing his LinkedIn for clues.

Should he prove to be as conservative as his predecessor, the Bitcoin revolution may find cold reception—like peasants turned away from a frosty manor gate.

Buffett’s Eternal Scorn for Crypto

Consider the patriarch: Ninety-four years old, with an investment record longer than the Russian steppes, Buffett has led Berkshire through boom and bust, war and peace—yet never, not once, has he welcomed crypto at his feast.

In a moment of candor, May 2018—perhaps emboldened by particularly strong coffee—Buffett called Bitcoin “rat poison squared,” which for him is as close to poetry as he gets.

“In terms of cryptocurrencies, generally, I can say with almost certainty that they will come to a bad ending,” he mused to CNBC, in the way one predicts winter snows. “We don’t own any, we’re not short any, we’ll never have a position in them.”

If Abel follows the Elder’s path, the notion of Bitcoin under Berkshire’s roof will remain a fantasy—like a Bolshevik running a country club.

“Buffett scorned crypto, Abel shrugs enigmatically, and tradition reigns. Any revolution would require Abel to drop his poker face, but so far, not even a rebellious eyebrow has been detected,” quips Juan Pellicer, a man whose research is extensive and whose confidence in Abel’s poker face is, frankly, unsettling.

Still, not all in Buffett’s camp are as allergic to crypto as a Russian nobleman to honest labor.

Berkshire’s Unexpected Flirtation with the Cryptic

In a twist that would make even Tolstoy chuckle, Berkshire Hathaway, under the watchful gaze of the old lion himself, “accidentally” invested in Nu Holdings—a Brazilian digital banking enterprise wrapped in more crypto than a miner’s hard drive. One could almost imagine this buried deep in the paperwork, like a secret message from an estranged nephew.

Buffett’s mighty company, never one to miss a deal, dropped $500 million into Nu during a 2021 funding round, followed by another $250 million—because why stop at one “oops.”

The SEC, not to be outdone in surprises, later unveiled that Berkshire’s slice of Nu Holdings ballooned from 0.1% to 0.4% in less than two years—faster than a Russian novella fills with new characters.

Should Abel take these small steps and turn them into a great leap—well, Berkshire’s march into the world of Bitcoin may yet become a strange, vodka-soaked reality. Stranger things have happened. After all, nobody thought Pierre would marry Helene either! 🪙🍾

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2025-05-10 00:08