Somewhere in the hallowed and somewhat draughty halls of the North Carolina House of Representatives, an assembly of distinguished lawmakers prepares to ponder a great question: Should the state toss a portion of its vast, slumbering pension fortune into the thunderous maw of… Bitcoin? 🚀
The pension fund! The very same one that, like a buttoned-up babushka, quietly harbors $129 billion under its voluminous skirts (give or take a billion, who’s counting on Wednesdays?). It not only coddles police, teachers, and firefighters, but also an enormous chorus of clerks, lunch ladies, and that one retiree who absolutely loves bingo. Over a million souls—no exaggeration—depend on this sack of riches to age gracefully, or at least avoid moving back in with their in-laws.
Traditionally, these prudent custodians have invested in things you could explain to your grandmother without her reaching for her rosary: stocks, bonds, a bit of real estate, and a mysterious thing called “private equity” (which everyone suspects involves monocles and top hats).
But now, a bill lurks on the legislative floor, threatening to allow up to 5% of this vast treasure hoard to be whisked away into the swirling, unpredictable realm of Bitcoin. Only Bitcoin, mind you; not Dogecoin or other digital inventions inspired by small mammals or snack foods. Why? Apparently, Bitcoin is the only one burly enough, with a market cap famously exceeding $750 billion—enough money to buy the moon and a modest portion of Mars.
Initial schemes whispered 10%, but after some haggling (and smelling salts), lawmakers have watered it down to a more sensible, slightly less heart-attack-inducing 5%. Oh, and there’s even a provision that says the coins mustn’t be stuffed under the state treasurer’s metaphorical mattress. Instead, some “security custody solution” must protect these shiny digital tokens. Because nothing says “peace of mind” quite like a solution!
If Gogol were here to witness it, you’d find him somewhere between a belly laugh and an exasperated sigh, penning new footnotes for future generations: “Beware public servants bearing crypto.”
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2025-04-30 22:28