Like steam rising from a night-time samovar in a Moscow tenement, Bitcoin now drifts into the smoky corridors of the US Central Intelligence Agency. Yes, comrades, the men in suits have noticed our beloved BTC—and according to Deputy Director Michael Ellis, this digital specter is now tangled in the “national security” game. Ellis whispered these nuggets of wisdom into the ear of Anthony Pompliano, a man who apparently collects podcasts as peasants once collected blisters.
Ellis, with the seriousness of a man reading tax codes at a funeral, confessed that he and his cohort now track BTC’s every move, together with law enforcement. Bitcoin, once the playground of idealists and outlaws, now submits to the data-hungry gaze of the state. Counter-intelligence, they call it. Counter-joy, perhaps.
“Bitcoin is here to stay — cryptocurrency is here to stay. As you know, more and more institutions are adopting it, and I think that is a great trend. One that this administration has obviously been leaning forward into.”
Ah, progress! You can almost hear the laughter of a bureaucrat who just discovered two new forms to file. Ellis continued, “It’s another area of competition where we need to ensure the United States is well-positioned against China and other adversaries.” In other words: “We’re bringing Bitcoin to the chessboard, but we’re still playing checkers.”
Is Bitcoin maturing, or has it just been handed a suit jacket that doesn’t fit? The government’s new enthusiasm for crypto clashes with those old libertarian and cypherpunk dreams—dreams of privacy, of freedom, of not getting audited by someone named Carl in Washington.
Bitcoin: from cypherpunk experiment to state reserve asset
America, in a fit of historic irony, witnessed President Donald Trump scrawl his name on an executive order: the “Bitcoin Strategic Reserve.” On March 7, the headlines danced, and half of Twitter celebrated or wept accordingly.
David Bailey of Bitcoin Magazine hugged the news like it was a long-lost uncle at a train station, while Erik Vorhees of Venice AI looked at the government’s grabby hands and muttered: “If you must hoard crypto, let it be only Bitcoin. And wash your hands afterwards.”
Worry not, dear reader—philosophical hand-wringing is an ancient tradition. Complaints that Bitcoin has lost its roots precede the current market sorcery and the government’s new taste for digital gold. Even before regulatory frameworks grew up, the crypto forests echoed with grumblings.
Therese Chambers, the British Cassandra of the FCA, once pointed from her gray office to declare that crypto had become just another plaything for financiers—no more mysterious than a London parking ticket. The powerful wanted privacy, but ended up with paperwork. Oh, fortune!
Thus, Bitcoin soldiers on—dragged from the alleyways of the cypherpunks into the marble halls of bureaucracy, gaining admirers, enemies, and PowerPoint presentations in equal measure. Every revolution, it seems, ends up with a committee meeting. 🚬🦅💸
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2025-05-02 20:56