Messieurs et Mesdames, marvel! Behold, Bitcoin, that most capricious enfant terrible of the financial salons, has retaken its lofty throne at $98,000, after three long months wandering in the economic wilderness. What has brought about this miracle? Why, nothing less than a bold act (or lack thereof) from our ever-steadfast US Federal Reserve, which—after much fanfare and posturing—has chosen to leave interest rates where they stand for yet another month! Quelle surprise! 🎭
Oh, but the plot thickens with a certain President Trump, that tireless herald of dramatic exits and pointed finger-waggings. With the subtlety of a marching band at a funeral, he fulminated and threatened to expel poor Jerome Powell, head maestro of the Fed, for being “too slow” to cut rates. One imagines the honorable Powell, caught between Scylla (the President’s disfavor) and Charybdis (economic prudence), clutching his policy papers in white-knuckled terror.
Unemployment, Inflation, and Other Theatrical Concerns
On the seventh day of May, Jerome Powell—looking every inch the weary protagonist in our monetary farce—announced the committee’s grand decision: maintain rates twixt 4.25% and 4.50%. His reasoning? Mon Dieu! The specters of unemployment and inflation loom large. For though inflation has fallen “a great deal,” it still cavorts merrily above their self-imposed 2% goal. 🏦
Of household and business surveys, Powell recounts a “sharp decline in sentiment,” with many hand-wringing over Trump’s much-heralded trade antics. Yet like any proper bourgeois comedy, he assures us, “despite heightened uncertainty, the economy is still in a solid position.” (One suspects he rehearses this line nightly in front of the mirror.)
The oracle at CME Group, known as FedWatch, predicted with all the enthusiasm of a court astrologer: the market expects barely a wisp of a rate cut for now. Meanwhile, la société still awaits the lowering of the Fed funds rate to 3.6%—but not before the grand finale of 2025!
As for Bitcoin: it briefly slipped on stage, tripping down to $95,866 after Powell’s soliloquy, but (ever the impish performer) leapt back up, kissing $98,000 only hours later, as if nothing had happened. Ah, the drama! 🎬
With the Crypto Fear & Greed Index now perched like a mischievous imp in “Greed” territory, and Bitcoin ETFs piling in nearly $4.41 billion since late March (the audience throwing coins, as it were), momentum abounds.
But beware, gentle reader! The doom-saying economist Timothy Peterson, wringing his hands from the wings, cautions: should the Fed delay cutting rates in 2025, we may witness not a comedy but a tragic market downturn—dragging our hero, Bitcoin, back toward $70,000. Quelle horreur!
Powell, in his infinite (some say inflexible) wisdom, retorts: “We are in no rush; let us wait for greater clarity”—the refrain of every dithering lover in a French comedy. Curtain falls. Applause. 🥁
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2025-05-08 06:27