Bitcoin to $100K?! 🤯 Analyst Predicts Boom!

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Ah, yes. Another prophecy. This one, delivered not by a wizened desert hermit, nor a tea leaf reader, but by a… a crypto trader named Michaël van de Poppe. He proclaims, with all the certainty one can muster in this utterly rational world of digital phantoms, that Bitcoin is poised to breach the psychologically significant, and frankly rather arbitrary, barrier of $100,000. One begins to wonder if he’s been sampling the local brandy a little too liberally. 🧐

Apparently, this momentous occasion – if one can even dignify it with such a term – is to occur “in a matter of days.” Days! As if time itself bends to the will of the market. Is this science, or merely enthusiastic speculation fuelled by an excess of caffeine and the hollow hope of getting rich quick? One shudders to think what the astrologers are saying.

“There we go. Bitcoin breaks upwards. Holds the 21-Day MA. Multiple tests of that moving average held as support. Makes constant higher lows higher highs.”

Such eloquent pronouncements! Words that could move mountains…or at least, slightly inflate the price of a digital token. It’s all terribly impressive, you see. The “moving average” – a concept as concrete and substantial as a whisper in the wind – held… as support! The audacity! 🤣

“It’s quite clear that this is going to run to $100K in the coming week and that dips are for buying. The bull market hasn’t died, it’s about to start.”

Personally, I suspect the bull market has merely been napping, possibly suffering from indigestion. But who am I to question the pronouncements of experts? Especially the ones predicting fortunes in thin air. 🤷‍♀️

Indeed, the Bitcoin has deigned to fidget, rising from a paltry $91,200 to a slightly less paltry $95,804 in the last 24 hours. One imagines the champagne corks popping amongst the cognoscenti. At the time of this scribbling, it lingers at 95,455, presumably gathering strength for its final, glorious ascent. Or perhaps simply…fluctuating. One can never be sure.

And lo, even the altcoins are stirring! Van de Poppe expresses approval of Optimism (OP), which sounds suspiciously like an optimistic outlook – a rather circular argument, don’t you think? 🤔

“Ideally, this is what you’d prefer to see on the Altcoin markets.

A breakout through the 21-Day MA for the first time in six months. Then; a strong retest of the 21-Day MA area to hold. Another new high being created.”

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2026-01-14 11:27