Markets 🤑
Darling, what’s all the fuss? 🧐
- Bitwise, those clever darlings, predict Bitcoin will sashay past its four-year tango and reach new heights in 2026. How très chic! 💃
- Apparently, Bitcoin’s fling with U.S. stocks is so last season-crypto-specific catalysts are the new black. 🖤
My dear, Bitwise is whispering sweet nothings to its clients about a 2026 Bitcoin market that’s as mature as a vintage champagne, just as the institutional darlings start sipping. 🥂
The crypto asset manager declares Bitcoin’s four-year cycle is as passé as last year’s hemline. Halvings? Darling, they’re so yesterday. Rates? Plummeting faster than a socialite’s standards. And leverage? Well, it’s been reined in tighter than a corset after a major liquidation scandal in late 2025. 👗
“The forces that once drove these cycles-halvings, interest rates, and crypto’s dramatic booms and busts-are as weak as a debutante’s resolve at a cocktail party,” quipped Matt Hougan, Bitwise’s CIO, in his Monday blog post. 🍸
The quadrennial halving, which slows Bitcoin’s supply growth by 50%, is now as exciting as a second helping of cucumber sandwiches. 🥒
But fear not, darlings! Spot Bitcoin ETFs and brokerage platforms are serving up Bitcoin like it’s the hottest ticket in town, propelling it to new all-time highs next year. No post-halving bust here-just pure, unadulterated glamour. ✨
Hougan, ever the wit, notes that Bitcoin is no longer the wild child of risk. It’s been less volatile than Nvidia shares in 2025-and its swings? Darling, they’re trending lower than a dowager’s décolletage. 👵
Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s correlation with U.S. stocks is expected to fall faster than a forgotten fad. Crypto-specific catalysts-regulation, adoption, and product innovation-are taking the wheel, darling. 🚗
In sum, Bitwise declares 2026 could be Bitcoin’s breakout year, darling, pulling in tens of billions in institutional capital. So, polish your monocles and prepare for the ball-Bitcoin’s moment is nigh! 🎩
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2025-12-16 18:10