Bitcoin's Wild Ride: Fortunes Made and Lost in a Single Day! 🚀💸

What to know:

By James Van Straten (All times ET unless indicated otherwise)

Ah, liberation! The sound of markets breathing a sigh of relief as they finally untangle the trappings of U.S. tariffs. Starting April 5, every trading partner of the U.S. will face a minimum import tariff of 10%, because, why not add a pinch of chaos to the broth of international trade? And wait for it—country-specific tariffs will saunter in on April 9 for a delightful 60 nations. Ah, tariffs—truly the mistresses of confusion and perplexity! 🎩

President Trump, bless his heart, hopped onto the tariff train, claiming that these levies were to rectify all manner of trade grievances. After all, who wouldn’t want to encourage reshoring of production, fund tax cuts, and gift U.S. manufacturers a shiny new toy of fairness? 🎠

China is set to be the belle of the tariff ball, facing a delightful 34% tariff atop its existing burden, totaling a staggering 54%. Who knew trade could turn to such a dramatic soap opera? The rest of Asia and the European Union be warned—20% whimsies await! 🎭

Whispers abound regarding the ingenious minds behind the tariff calculations, with someone on X declaring they cracked the code: Take your country’s trade deficit with the U.S., divide it by exports, and voilà! Instant tariff recipe! 🍽️

For instance, our friend Vietnam, with exports of $136.6 billion and imports a mere $13.1 billion, brilliantly shows a trade deficit of $123.5 billion! When you divide the deficit by the exports, you get—drumroll please—about 90%! 🍾

Global stocks seem to be throwing tantrums; the Nikkei 225 lost 2.8%—parental supervision, where art thou? Nasdaq futures are banging the drama alarm at over 3.5% down. And as if that wasn’t enough, the Vietnamese market threw a 5.5% fit, its worst single-day drop in over four years. Welcome to the circus, folks! 🎪

As if the dollar wasn’t feeling humiliated enough, it decided to weaken, as the yen danced majestically to 147 against it. Bitcoin, however, sits like a regent above $83,000, still dreaming of reclaiming its 200-day moving average at $86,400. If only it could get out of bed! 🥱

The U.S. 10-year Treasury yield is lazily hovering just above 4%, a whisper of hope for interest rates to find their way down. The markets scream—stay alert, dear reader, for twists and turns lie at every corner! ⚠️

Token Talk

By Shaurya Malwa

The noble Treasure DAO, a decentralized gaming ecosystem, has decided to re-align its sails towards February 2026. Chief architect John Patten resumes command, proposing a brilliant plan to streamline operations and save some bucks. It’s all so… responsible! 🧐
But not without some drama—15 contributors have been shown the door, as game publishing support and treasure chains meet their untimely end. Who knew cost-cutting could bring such bittersweet joys? 🍭
Patten suggests withdrawing a cool $785,000 from Flowdesk to bolster their treasure, already holding $2.4 million and a treasure trove of 22.3 million MAGIC tokens worth a whopping $2.3 million. I wonder if they accept Monopoly money? 💰
Letting us all know how precarious their situation is, Patten shared the unfortunate reality: burn rate at an alarming $8.3 million annually, with a potential downfall in MAGIC’s worth dragging the DAO into the shadows between December 2025 and February 2026. Isn’t life just a rollercoaster? 🎢

Derivatives Positioning

BTC, ETH bases on CME and offshore exchanges hold steady at around an annualized 5%, much like a stubborn cat refusing to move. 🐱
XRP, BNB, and SOL are seeing someone put a red light on their funding rates—uch, looks like it’s bearish season! 📉
XRM, BTC, and OM are enjoying a positive cumulative volume, hinting at some net buying—collective sigh of relief! 🥳
Bearish sentiments linger in Deribit’s BTC and ETH options, now frowning as far out as June following the U.S. tariff tale!

Market Movements

BTC is down 2.17%, lounging at $83,799.17 (24hrs: –1.62%)
ETH is down 1.93% at $1,844.66 (24hrs: –3.15%)
CoinDesk 20 is down a mere 0.56% at 2,559.88 (24hrs: –0.07%)
Ether CESR Composite Staking Rate is down 8 bps at 3.02%
BTC funding rate is holding at 0.0047% (5.0983% annualized) on Binance

DXY down 1.66% at 102.09, like a balloon losing its air! 🎈
Gold gleams up 0.32% at $3,149.9/oz, a shiny beacon in the dark! 🌟
Silver falls down 4.14% at $33.07/oz—look out below! ☔
Nikkei 225 whispers ‘goodbye’ -2.77% at 34,735.93
Hang Seng affected, closing -1.52% at 22,849.81
FTSE echoes grievances down 1.33% at 8,494.33
Euro Stoxx 50 sighs down 2.13% at 5,191.06
DJIA managed a brave face on Wednesday +0.56% at 42,225.32
S&P 500 follows suit +0.67% at 5670.97
Nasdaq beams +0.87% at 17,601.05
S&P/TSX Composite cherishes +1.09% at 25,307.20
S&P 40 Latin America dips into +0.3% at 2,448.23
U.S. 10-year Treasury rate feeling shy down 7 bps at 4.05%
E-mini S&P 500 futures down 3.05% at 5,538.00
E-mini Nasdaq-100 indices follow suit, down 3.3% at 19,105.25
E-mini Dow Jones dances down 2.53% at 41,416.00

Bitcoin Stats:

BTC Dominance struts at 62.86 (0.13%)
Ethereum to bitcoin ratio winks at 0.02176 (0.05%)
Hashrate (seven-day moving average) looks healthy at 835 EH/s
Hashprice (spot) is at $47.31
Total Fees: 4.43 BTC / $377,634—a nice little bonus! 🎁
CME Futures Open Interest stands at 138,385 BTC
BTC priced in gold? A cool 26.5 oz!
BTC vs. gold market cap taking a lead at 7.53%

Technical Analysis

Solana’s SOL token has embarrassingly dropped below $125, once a demand darling, now a faint memory. 😢
The breakdown signals a continuation of the decline, with the next support waving from afar at $100, followed by a haunting $78—the January 2024 low. 🏚️

Crypto Equities

Strategy (MSTR): Took a graceful exit on Wednesday at $312.54 (+2.13%), now sulking down 4.69% at $297.89 in pre-market.
Coinbase Global (COIN): Closed at $182.95 (+4.83%), now taking a detour down 5.49% at $172.90.
Galaxy Digital Holdings (GLXY): A splendid reveal at C$17.10 (+4.72%)
MARA Holdings (MARA): Showed off at $12.42 (+4.9%), now crying a little, down 6.28% to $11.64.
Riot Platforms (RIOT): Closed at $8.02 (+6.37%), feeling a bit shaky, down 5.61% to $7.57.
Core Scientific (CORZ): Waving goodbye at $8.42 (+5.25%), down 6.18% at $7.90.
CleanSpark (CLSK): A cheerful $8.02 (+6.08%), but down 7.11% at $7.45.
CoinShares Valkyrie Bitcoin Miners ETF (WGMI): Behaving well at $14.24 (+4.17%).
Semler Scientific (SMLR): Wrapped up at $37.03 (+1.4%).
Exodus Movement (EXOD): A modest performance at $47.33 (+3.73%), down a tad at $46.99.

ETF Flows

Spot BTC ETFs:

Daily net flow: $218.1 million, whoo-hoo!
Cumulative net flows: $36.33 billion. ✔️
Total BTC holdings almost a million here—~1.12 million to be exact.

Spot ETH ETFs

Daily net flow: -$51.3 million, oh dear!
Cumulative net flows: $2.38 billion, still hanging on!
Total ETH holdings at ~3.42 million, keeping the faith! 🙏

Overnight Flows

Chart of the Day

Traders on the wondrous Polymarket platform now see better than a 50% chance of the U.S. economy somersaulting into a recession this year. Isn’t that a fun game to play? 🎈
The gloomy outlook may weigh heavily on the shoulders of risky assets for the foreseeable future. 🤔