Bitfinex Hack Funds: The Great Crypto Conundrum 🤑

And so, the saga of the Bitfinex hack continues, a tale of intrigue, deception, and, of course, cryptocurrency. It’s a story that’s been unfolding for years, with more twists and turns than a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster-fueled party on Magrathea.

In a recent development, a federal court has yet to rule on a proposed motion from the US government, which is essentially asking, “Hey, can we please give some of the seized crypto back to Bitfinex?” 🤔 Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly, however, is not having it, at least not without some clarification. She’s asked the US prosecutors to provide some answers by February 4, because, you know, the fate of the universe… or at least, the crypto world… hangs in the balance.

For those who may have missed the memo, the US government seized a whopping 94,643 Bitcoin (BTC) and some other cryptocurrencies from Ilya Lichtenstein and his wife Heather Morgan, aka Razzlekhan, the infamous rapper and money launderer extraordinaire. The seizure was part of a criminal case against the dynamic duo, who pleaded guilty in 2023 and were sentenced to prison terms that are almost as long as the list of their alleged crimes.

But here’s the thing: the judge is concerned that ordering Lichtenstein and Morgan to return the funds to Bitfinex might, you know, reduce the amount of the forfeiture order, which other courts have deemed “improper.” 🤷‍♀️ It’s a bit like trying to solve a complex math problem, but with more lawyers and fewer calculators.

For those who need a refresher, the Bitfinex hack occurred in August 2016, when hackers made off with roughly 119,754 BTC, which was one of the largest crypto thefts at the time. US authorities eventually caught up with Lichtenstein and Morgan in 2022 and seized the crypto, because, you know, crime doesn’t pay… unless you’re a crypto thief, in which case, it pays quite well, at least for a while.

Money Launderers: 0, Justice: 1 (Sort of)

Lichtenstein and Morgan pleaded guilty in 2023 and were sentenced to prison terms that are almost as long as their list of alleged crimes. Morgan, however, has been keeping busy, promoting her “creative and other endeavors” on social media, because, you know, being a convicted felon is no reason to stop being a social media influencer.

And so, the drama continues, with the US government trying to figure out what to do with the seized crypto and Bitfinex waiting with bated breath to see if it will get its funds back. It’s a tale of intrigue, deception, and, of course, cryptocurrency, because what’s a good story without a few twists and turns?

2025-01-31 23:20

Money Launderers: 0, Justice: 1 (Sort of)

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