BlackRock Drops $5.4 Billion Bitcoin Bomb—Wall Street Hits Bullish Gym!

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On an ordinary morning, as pigeons quarrelled in front of the New York Stock Exchange and bankers everywhere sipped oddly expensive coffee, BlackRock nonchalantly strolled into the scene, pockets jingling with at least $5.4 billion in what the accountants delicately call “Bitcoin-related holdings.” Multi-billion-dollar investments in Strategy, they whispered—and oh, how the numbers dance!

Apparently, the entire financial aristocracy is now in a contest to see who can stack more satoshis behind the velvet ropes. According to BlackRock’s latest 13F confession (first quarter of 2025—because who doesn’t love a good quarterly drama?), the old titan is already clutching Bitcoin-tethered equities like a babushka hoarding wartime sugar rations.

🔥 BLACKROCK’S 13F FILING SHOWS $5.4B+ IN BITCOIN-RELATED HOLDINGS!!!

GIGA BULLISH!!!

— Kyle Chassé / DD🐸 (@kyle_chasse) May 5, 2025

And who’s to thank for this? That tireless devotee of the Bitcoin faith, Michael Saylor, priest of “Strategy.” BlackRock’s exposure here is as subtle as a marching band in a cathedral—Strategy, the zealous bitcoin-hoarding juggernaut, effectively makes stacking digital coins their raison d’être. On some days, they even outperform Bitcoin itself—though, let’s be honest, most days involve feverish spreadsheets and lightning bolts of ambition.

Sifting through the loot, BlackRock’s got $4.23 billion lounging in Strategy’s parlor, almost the entire sum parked firmly in MSRT Class A stock—$4.16 billion’s worth, to be precise. That’s not a “toe in the water”; that’s doing cannonballs at a Roman bath.

BlackRock’s Mining Adventure & ETF Trinkets

Lest you think them one-trick ponies, BlackRock’s filing reveals a sideline obsession with cryptocurrency mines. Over $1.02 billion bet on mining companies like Riot Platforms and Marathon Digital—outsourcing the dirty work to people with more computers than sense. Sure, these miners may not *own* Bitcoin, but as soon as Satoshi Nakamoto sneezes, their stock price calls in sick, too. 💻⛏️

As dessert, BlackRock’s also juggling about $279 million in an assortment of Bitcoin ETFs and trusts. Most of it sits comfortably in their own living room—the iShares Bitcoin Trust, aka “We made it, we invested in it, and now we talk about it on CNBC,” with $274 million warmed by the corporate hearth (total trust assets: $47.78 billion). It seems even BlackRock enjoys buying what BlackRock is selling.

For the sake of occupational variety, there’s also a meager $5 million taste of Fidelity’s Bitcoin ETF, and, in the spirit of collecting Pokémon, a few lonely dollars sprinkled among Grayscale BTC Trust and GBTC Mini—just $13,034 and $1,460, lost between the couch cushions.

And for the academics: Form 13F is a quarterly report that every manager handling over $100 million has to file, presumably so the SEC can practice its reading skills. Only U.S. stocks, of course—God forbid investors have time to worry about the rest of the world.

So, is this everything? Not even close! BlackRock might be clutching even more BTC treasures behind the curtains—private companies, exotic locales, who knows? A mystery for another quarter, and perhaps another round of expensive lattes for Wall Street’s finest.

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2025-05-05 16:17