“BlackRock’s Bitcoin ETF Sees 16 Days of Inflows—Wall Street Panics, Satoshi Laughs!”

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For sixteen excruciatingly glorious days, investors, dull and dazzling alike, found themselves magnetized by BlackRock’s spot Bitcoin exchange-traded fund. Not since the invention of the steam samovar has such passion for accumulation been witnessed. By May 7, as if possessed by the spirit of Koroviev himself, Bitcoin galloped up to a rather playful $97,000. Imagine the hedge fund managers, sipping burnt coffee and desperately checking their apps—oh, the humanity! ☕📈

The iShares Bitcoin Trust, that unassuming beast, has devoured 280 more Bitcoin (approx. $36 million for those counting kopecks!) in but one day, May 6, as noted by the ever-vigilant HODL15Capital. Flocks of capital, migrating like geese from traditional bonds, can only clutch their pearls in envy.

Nate Geraci, President of ETF Store and chronicler of financial folklore, couldn’t help himself and mused on X (where else?): the fund edges near $5 billion in new riches. He even remembers when skeptics believed Bitcoin ETFs would never sniff $5 billion, reminiscing with the tranquility of a pensioner on a Moscow bench.

“IBIT alone has done this in a few weeks, more than a year after launch.”

The BlackRock leviathan (known lovingly as IBIT) welcomed $4.7 billion in inflows since the fleeting moment of outflow angst on April 9. Meanwhile, its American rivals have been about as exciting as a Moscow winter—zero inflow, or outflows so massive you’d think they were bailing out the Volga. Farside Investors, always eager to point out the obvious, note that IBIT is the only spot BTC ETF in the U.S. that hasn’t called in sick since May Day. 🔥

On May 6, Grayscale’s GBTC managed to lose almost $90 million—perhaps someone should check under the analysts’ desks. This tidy near-disaster gave the broader market an aggregate outflow of $86.4 million, making BlackRock look like a magician pulling rabbits out of hats while everyone else juggles potatoes.

Bloomberg’s Eric Balchunas, known in certain circles as the “Prophet of ETFmania,” declared it a sign from the financial heavens. He suggests, with only faintly concealed glee, that Bitcoin ETFs may one day dwarf gold ETFs—tripling their AUM in a few years. Banque de Paris, take note! 🥇

Elsewhere, BattleShares stormed forth, filing four new ETFs designed to pit Bitcoin against Ethereum and gold. Apparently there aren’t enough duels at dawn on Wall Street these days! Balchunas claims one ETF will go long on Bitcoin and short on Ether, proposing the inspired ticker “MAXI”—a name which surely belongs on a tub of margarine or an avant-garde bar band.

Bitcoin back at resistance

Like Pontius Pilate revisiting Jerusalem, spot Bitcoin returned to its resistance point, for a brief shimmering moment above $97,500 during the market’s morning yawn on May 7. And then—quelle surprise!—it stumbled back to $96,538 at press time, according to CoinGecko. Investors wept. Brokers prayed. Cats ignored everything, as usual. 🐈

A 2.2% daily gain saw Bitcoin’s price leap, possibly helped by New Hampshire’s sudden burst of strategic foresight: passing the first US state-level Bitcoin reserve law. (Anyone else sensing the aroma of revolution or just maple syrup?)

“The odds of multiple states passing Strategic Bitcoin Reserve legislation into law just went up by a massive amount today,” crowed Dennis Porter, CEO of the Satoshi Action Fund, whose excitement could be measured only in kilowatts. ⚡

Further fueling speculation, word slipped like vodka at a bureaucrats’ gala: the US and China are slated to hold high-level trade talks in Switzerland. The Washington Post, never one to miss a soirée, claimed that the world’s two largest economies will “meet on Saturday and Sunday to discuss our shared interests”—like who gets to rule the world, or at least set the price of soybeans.

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent diplomatically trilled on X, “The current tariffs and trade barriers are unsustainable, but we don’t want to decouple. What we want is fair trade”—which, in political dialect, means, “Let’s eat fondue and argue about yachts.” 🧀⛵

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2025-05-07 08:52