Breaking: Health-Care Company Tries to Cure Bitcoin’s Blues with $5B Injection 😂💸

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What to know (because you’re probably scratching your head):

  • KindlyMD, the health-care company that somehow married itself to a bitcoin treasury firm called Nakamoto (we didn’t know they had a dating app for this), is now raising up to $5 BILLION in equity. Why? To buy more BTC, of course! 🤑🪙
  • But wait-plot twist! NAKA shares took a nosedive faster than my confidence on a Monday morning, dropping 12% to $8.07. Apparently, BTC’s recent price slump decided to crash the party like an uninvited guest who eats all the hors d’oeuvres. 🥲📉

BTCBTC$110,981.61◢0.72%

So here’s the deal: KindlyMD (or should we call them *KindlyMiningDollars*?), a Nasdaq-listed health-care outfit based in Salt Lake City, has gone full Wall Street wizard mode. They filed some fancy paperwork with the SEC-a shelf registration statement-for an “at-the-market” equity offering program. Translation: They’ll sell stock whenever and however much they feel like it, depending on market prices and whether their horoscopes align. 🌟📈

Oh, and don’t worry-they’re not just hoarding BTC like it’s leftover Halloween candy. Some of the cash might go toward acquiring businesses, assets, or even shiny new technologies. Or maybe they’ll buy coffee machines for the office. Who knows? ☕🤷‍♂️

Fun fact: This whole bitcoin treasure hunt started earlier this month when KindlyMD bought 5,743.91 BTC (that’s over $635 million!) around August 19. But alas, Bitcoin isn’t playing nice right now. It’s down over 10% since hitting a high of $123,000 earlier this month. Poor thing looks sadder than a stand-up comedian at a library. 😢📚

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2025-08-27 12:58