BTC to the Moon? 🚀 Waller’s Tariff Twist!

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  • Bitcoin, that digital bauble, inched ever so tentatively towards $85,000, as if afraid to stub its toe on reality. Market sentiment, a fickle mistress, and trade negotiations, those tedious dances of diplomacy, deigned to ease investor concerns. The CoinDesk 20 Index, a rather pompous title for a collection of cryptocurrencies, climbed a whole 1.2%, propelled by the likes of SOL and AVAX. Oh, the drama!
  • Christopher Waller, a Federal Reserve Governor with a name straight out of a Victorian novel, hinted at potential rate cuts should Trump tariffs return like a vengeful ghost. Meanwhile, the EU, in a moment of uncharacteristic restraint, delayed retaliatory tariffs on U.S. goods. A veritable chess game of economic brinkmanship!
  • Swissblock analysts, those oracles of the crypto world, pointed to Bitcoin’s “strengthening network fundamentals” and “stabilizing liquidity” as signs of potential sustained growth. One wonders if they consult tea leaves as well. ☕

Bitcoin (BTC), that capricious currency, drifted upwards on Monday with the subtlety of a feather falling from a great height, as the broader market, ever the opportunist, adjusted favorably to trade-related news. One can almost hear the champagne corks popping…almost. 🍾

The largest cryptocurrency, not that size matters, was up a measly 1.6% in the last 24 hours, now trading just shy of $85,000. Ether (ETH), meanwhile, rose a slightly more respectable 2.7% to $1,630. The broad-market CoinDesk 20 Index – a motley crew of the top 20 cryptocurrencies by market capitalization, excluding the vulgar stablecoins, the frivolous memecoins, and the ever-so-slightly-shady exchange coins – advanced 1.2%, led by the aforementioned SOL and AVAX. Bravo, bravo!

After a couple of weeks that could be described as “wild” only by the chronically sedate, the stock market also edged higher, the Nasdaq closing with a 0.6% gain and the S&P 500 rising 0.8%. Strategy (MSTR) and MARA Holdings (MARA), those darlings of the crypto stock world, led the charge with roughly 3% gains. 🎉 A veritable orgy of mild appreciation!

This modest rally, barely perceptible to the naked eye, came as Federal Reserve Governor Christopher Waller, he of the Victorian novel name, signaled that a return of the original punitive Trump tariffs would trigger the need for sizable “bad news” rate cuts. One shudders to think of the implications. 😨

“[Tariff] effects on output and employment could be longer-lasting and an important factor in determining the appropriate stance of monetary policy,” said Waller, presumably with a perfectly straight face, in a speech. “If the slowdown is significant and even threatens a recession, then I would expect to favor cutting the FOMC’s policy rate sooner, and to a greater extent than I had previously thought.” Oh, the agonizing choices of the modern central banker!

Further easing concerns, like a balm on a festering wound, was the European Commission, the executive arm of the EU, confirming its intention to hold off on retaliatory tariffs on U.S. goods worth €21 billion until July 14, “to allow space for negotiations.” One imagines them sipping tea and nibbling biscuits while the fate of the global economy hangs in the balance. ☕🍪

Odds that the U.S. and EU will reach a trade agreement to avoid tariffs rose to 65% on blockchain-based prediction market Polymarket after U.S. President Donald Trump reportedly stated that a deal was in the works. A deal, you say? The plot thickens! 🤔

Bitcoin fundamentals recovering

Bitcoin’s relief rally from last week’s tariff turmoil stalled out around the $85,000 resistance level, like a debutante fainting at her first ball. But the network’s improving fundamentals spur hopes for a breakout, crypto analytics firm SwissBlock Technologies noted. Hopes, those fragile butterflies! 🦋

“Since March, we’ve seen a consistent inflow of new participants,” Swissblock analysts wrote in a Telegram broadcast, presumably while juggling spreadsheets and sipping artisanal coffee. “Liquidity is stabilizing, no more erratic swings from early 2025.” One wonders if they’ve considered a career in fortune-telling.🔮

“Once the liquidity gauge holds above the 50 line, short-term price action tends to follow with strength,” Swissblock analysts said. “With network growth aligning, key levels aren’t just being revisited, they’re being accumulated.” Accumulation, you say? Sounds suspiciously like hoarding! 💰

“This is the kind of structural support that underpins sustainable rallies,” they concluded. Ah, yes, “structural support.” The bedrock of all dreams, financial and otherwise. 😌

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2025-04-14 23:43